Before You React: Understanding Conflict, Choice & Consequence

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Hello,

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and welcome back to Conversations with

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Karen and Kat,

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the podcast where we connect powerful

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changemakers, visionaries,

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and everyday heroes who are shaping

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culture and community.

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I'm Karen Scott Green.

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And I'm Kat Hardrick.

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And we are welcoming back our brother,

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John Harris, also known as Brother Baruti.

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Yes.

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Good to be here.

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Brother Baruti, thank you for joining us.

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Absolutely.

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Brother Baruti is the founder and

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architect of Mastering Your Moments, LLC.

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He brings more than thirty years of

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leadership experience

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spanning public service,

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nonprofit leadership, youth development,

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martial arts instruction,

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my kids went to his dojo, coaching,

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speaking, and organizational consulting.

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At the center of his work is one

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powerful idea.

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Lasting transformation happens when we

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address the conflicts influencing our

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choices.

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Through his Mastering Your Moments

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framework,

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Baroudi helps people understand not just

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what we do,

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but why we make the choices we make.

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Thank you and welcome again to

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Conversations with Karen and Kat.

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We know John.

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Who is Brother Baruti and what experiences

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have shaped this man and the leader that

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you are today?

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That's a great question.

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And I have to say, thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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To both you and Kat for having me

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back again.

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It's been a minute.

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I was trying to sit and think about

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how long you've been.

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I think it's probably about three years,

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maybe.

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I think you were on the first year.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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We started in twenty two.

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Wow.

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There you go.

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So for those who don't know me,

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of course, I am John Harris,

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also known as Baruthi Mwenda Meriamun.

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I'm an author, leadership strategist,

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speaker, entrepreneur,

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and someone who has spent a significant

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part of my professional and community life

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working with people and organizations.

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As was mentioned,

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I'm the founder of Mastering Your Moments,

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which is

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the body of work that really brings

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together much of what I've learned and

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continue to explore around conflict,

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influence, choice, leadership,

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and transformation.

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My professional journey has taken me

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through corporate leadership,

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entrepreneurship, education,

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nonprofit leadership,

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community service and work with veterans

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and military families.

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And I've also got to spend many years

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working with young people through martial

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arts, education,

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mentoring and community engagement.

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And I think

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All of those experiences have contributed

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to the questions I find myself asking

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today.

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How do people respond when they're faced

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with difficult moments?

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What influences the choices we make?

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How do leaders affect the people and

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cultures around them?

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And how do we become more intentional

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about what we do with the moments we're

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given?

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You know, while I wear several hats,

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Mastering Your Moments has really become

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the place where those experiences and

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questions come together.

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OK,

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so was there a particular incident where

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you realized that conflict resolution and

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decision making would be a central part of

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the work that you're doing?

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I can tell you that certainly when I

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had my dojang and I got to work

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with so many amazing children,

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primarily as students,

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that what I recognized somewhere in the

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midst of it was that we were teaching

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more than how to defend yourself

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physically.

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that the issues transcended beyond that,

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that it was something deeper that was

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happening.

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And here's the thing,

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because I worked with so many different

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children,

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what you discover is that no two children

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are exactly alike.

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So in teaching them techniques, blocks,

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punches, kicks, et cetera,

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you're giving them, yes, valid,

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usable skills in a situation where they

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would have to defend themselves.

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But the issue

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at the root of it is how do

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I deal with conflict?

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How do I respond to that?

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And in dealing with the different

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children,

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one of the things that jumped out at

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me was you have some children,

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you look at them and I mean,

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they are like super aggressive.

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I mean, you teach them a technique.

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I mean, they go home,

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they work on their thing, they come back,

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it's like they're ready to test for their

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black belt, right?

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Then you have some kids where

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you know,

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it takes them a longer time to process

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it.

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The problem is,

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Karen and Kat is that these kids have

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to go to school the next day.

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And so the situations and the

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circumstances that they're facing are

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gonna require that they have an

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understanding of what's really happening

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and the choices that they're gonna have to

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make in addressing it.

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Now that's only really part of it because

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I also got to know the parents.

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Yes.

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And I got to work with the parents.

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Many of them were my students also, right?

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But what I discovered was that at the

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root of

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what both parents and the children were

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dealing with is an understanding of

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conflict resolution and not just conflict

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in terms of the physical battles or the

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one-on-one engagements,

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but probably more importantly,

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what's happening on the inside.

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And the conflict

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that they're struggling with internally,

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impacting relationships,

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impacting work and employment,

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impacting their careers,

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certainly for the kids,

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impacting their development in many cases.

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So it was probably in there and I'm

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positioning it that way because

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Probably about three months ago,

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as I'm continuously digging,

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I was taken way back to a job

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I had where I worked for the attorney

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general's office and I was a mediator.

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It was one of the first jobs I

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had back in New York City.

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And I mean, I love that job,

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but what was I doing?

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I was assisting people at addressing

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conflict that they had little to no

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control over the outcome.

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So it was a resource.

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So it started a long time ago.

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And I think in the dojang,

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it took shape and form.

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When I was assigned my name,

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I think it took on an even greater

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level of advancement and it's continuing

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to grow and expand today.

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What do you think with martial arts?

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What is the misconception people have when

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it comes to martial arts?

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Because I think people think it's just,

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hey, I want to learn how to fight.

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But what are the skills that you really

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are getting from that in addition to

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self-defense and protecting yourself,

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especially for women?

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Sure.

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So the easiest way to respond to that

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is to refer directly to something that our

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students had to recite every day.

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And Karen, I'm sure you heard this,

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you know, they had to say a pledge,

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my promise,

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to always do my best and never give

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up.

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to obey my parents and teachers,

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to tell the truth and honor my word,

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to always be polite,

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to never misuse what I learn in class.

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And then the principles of the martial art

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form of Choi Kwan Do, humility, integrity,

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gentleness, perseverance, self-control,

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and an unbreakable spirit.

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So if there is a misconception,

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It is that martial arts is designed to

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help you deal with outward battles.

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Martial arts is about you,

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the inner person,

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and who you are becoming.

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in and through it.

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It's one of the reasons I would say,

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I mean,

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I didn't take martial arts as a kid.

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And I mean,

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I started because my son was doing it.

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But I think it should be like required

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education.

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It sounds like it.

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Shoot,

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we need it as grown folks to deal

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with mediation and conflict.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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And my kids did it for,

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like Raymond did it, my youngest,

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started when he was...

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either three or four.

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He was in preschool and did that up

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through... Tiny Tigers.

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Yeah.

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He did that up through...

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think maybe like his freshman year of high

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school.

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Oh, wow.

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Yeah.

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And then he was just like, Mom,

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I'm done.

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I'm done.

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But he,

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it was a really good tool for

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self-discipline.

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And it would be funny because sometimes

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at like six or seven,

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he would be like the highest ranking

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member,

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the highest ranking student in the dojo

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for like a particular class.

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And so as the highest ranking student,

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all the other students would have to bow

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to him

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Yes.

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He got to lead the pledge.

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And, you know, they say at the beginning,

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like John was saying.

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So and it was it it taught that

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discipline and the respect that even

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though he was the youngest in the class

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in several sessions,

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he would be the highest ranking member.

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And so they are student and they would

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have to give deference to him as that

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highest ranking members.

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It was that's right.

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Yeah,

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so it was a very good discipline for

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them.

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And my guys stayed in the discipline that

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John was doing until they both got their

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black belts.

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Well, you know,

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they stayed on for a little bit further

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than that,

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but they both got black belts in.

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And actually in Chi and Cho.

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Yes, that's right.

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That's right.

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I always ask people this question.

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What belt do you think...

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most students stop at?

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Probably white belt.

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A little higher.

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Typically, they get the yellow belt.

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Brown or yellow?

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No, yellow.

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Yellow.

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Yeah, because brown's pretty high.

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Brown's pretty high, actually.

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Most students leave by yellow belt.

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But to your point, Karen,

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and just to really build on that,

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no matter the age of the student,

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once you become a black belt,

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you are addressed as Mr. or Ms.

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or Mrs., no matter your age.

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And any student in the dojang addressing

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you, no matter what their age is,

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they have to address you as Mr.

00:12:33.190 --> 00:12:34.169
or Ms.

00:12:35.971 --> 00:12:37.530
as part of the show of respect.

00:12:38.052 --> 00:12:39.652
So it's a six or seven year old.

00:12:41.769 --> 00:12:42.889
Which you could be.

00:12:42.909 --> 00:12:45.250
You could be six and have become a

00:12:45.291 --> 00:12:45.591
black belt.

00:12:45.610 --> 00:12:50.851
If you earned it, you earned it, right?

00:12:50.871 --> 00:12:51.192
That's right.

00:12:51.211 --> 00:12:51.692
Yeah.

00:12:51.731 --> 00:12:55.673
It was a great time for them.

00:12:56.712 --> 00:12:58.813
And it was a very good discipline.

00:13:00.173 --> 00:13:03.495
And it taught them about respect and order

00:13:04.274 --> 00:13:08.196
and process and understanding that it

00:13:08.235 --> 00:13:10.155
takes several years

00:13:10.659 --> 00:13:13.061
to get to the level where you're a

00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:13.581
black belt.

00:13:13.640 --> 00:13:16.101
And that's how much discipline that it

00:13:16.182 --> 00:13:20.384
takes to continually be going to practice,

00:13:20.423 --> 00:13:23.846
to continually be going into that dojo to

00:13:23.946 --> 00:13:26.106
learn your craft and the testing,

00:13:26.366 --> 00:13:28.548
because you're testing at every level.

00:13:28.888 --> 00:13:30.688
And before you're testing for a belt,

00:13:30.708 --> 00:13:32.850
you're having intermediate testing in

00:13:32.909 --> 00:13:33.330
between.

00:13:33.926 --> 00:13:36.548
So it's you have to be anyone who

00:13:36.587 --> 00:13:38.609
gets up to that level of a black

00:13:38.649 --> 00:13:38.909
belt.

00:13:39.029 --> 00:13:41.030
You know that they've put in years of

00:13:41.130 --> 00:13:44.273
discipline and hard work and training.

00:13:44.452 --> 00:13:45.333
Absolutely.

00:13:45.354 --> 00:13:46.053
Yeah, absolutely.

00:13:46.475 --> 00:13:49.616
So how does this training translate over

00:13:49.677 --> 00:13:52.119
into leadership development with us

00:13:52.219 --> 00:13:52.778
adults?

00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:56.822
Well, you know.

00:13:58.552 --> 00:14:03.094
In terms of the martial arts aspect of

00:14:03.153 --> 00:14:04.553
it, I mean, obviously,

00:14:04.594 --> 00:14:06.215
if we're talking about martial arts,

00:14:07.154 --> 00:14:10.195
adults go through the same level of

00:14:10.254 --> 00:14:10.735
training.

00:14:12.975 --> 00:14:17.096
I think to the larger issue when it

00:14:17.116 --> 00:14:20.918
comes to a conversation about conflict,

00:14:22.418 --> 00:14:26.119
as adults, we deal with grown-up,

00:14:28.802 --> 00:14:30.364
conflict, right?

00:14:31.803 --> 00:14:32.244
I mean,

00:14:32.403 --> 00:14:34.245
which all that really means is that we've

00:14:34.284 --> 00:14:35.686
lived longer than the kids.

00:14:36.265 --> 00:14:39.706
So we just have more stuff in our

00:14:39.746 --> 00:14:43.408
bag that we're dealing with than they do.

00:14:43.509 --> 00:14:48.471
But what that translates into is how do

00:14:48.571 --> 00:14:51.731
I show up in my relationships,

00:14:51.912 --> 00:14:54.513
whether they be personal or professional

00:14:56.616 --> 00:14:56.917
You know,

00:14:57.057 --> 00:15:02.282
what type of an employee am I if

00:15:02.461 --> 00:15:03.342
I am employed?

00:15:05.203 --> 00:15:05.465
You know,

00:15:05.745 --> 00:15:10.028
what are my responses like when I feel

00:15:11.850 --> 00:15:16.913
disrespected or if I feel like I didn't

00:15:16.953 --> 00:15:17.554
get my way?

00:15:18.951 --> 00:15:23.091
or if I feel challenged in some way,

00:15:23.131 --> 00:15:29.833
shape or form that goes against what I

00:15:29.913 --> 00:15:33.956
have come to believe or to identify as

00:15:34.735 --> 00:15:36.655
the way that I'm supposed to be treated

00:15:36.995 --> 00:15:41.097
and the way that I interpret things that

00:15:41.177 --> 00:15:43.719
happen within my life, right?

00:15:44.198 --> 00:15:46.458
So as an example,

00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:47.559
if I can share an example.

00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:48.600
Absolutely.

00:15:50.429 --> 00:15:52.652
Suppose I walk into a room and somebody

00:15:52.751 --> 00:15:55.234
I know walks right past me without

00:15:55.293 --> 00:15:57.936
speaking.

00:15:58.056 --> 00:15:59.317
What actually happened?

00:16:00.437 --> 00:16:02.678
They walked past me without speaking,

00:16:02.958 --> 00:16:03.178
right?

00:16:03.519 --> 00:16:05.740
That's the observable event.

00:16:05.941 --> 00:16:07.842
But almost immediately,

00:16:08.884 --> 00:16:11.806
I may begin assigning meaning to it.

00:16:13.027 --> 00:16:14.788
They ignored me.

00:16:14.807 --> 00:16:15.928
They're disrespecting me.

00:16:17.022 --> 00:16:20.364
They're angry with me and maybe I'm right,

00:16:21.044 --> 00:16:22.806
but there are other possibilities.

00:16:22.946 --> 00:16:24.267
Maybe they didn't see me.

00:16:24.427 --> 00:16:26.168
Maybe they were distracted.

00:16:26.748 --> 00:16:28.589
Maybe they're dealing with something I

00:16:28.629 --> 00:16:31.211
know absolutely nothing about.

00:16:31.291 --> 00:16:34.572
The point isn't that I should distrust my

00:16:35.673 --> 00:16:39.015
interpretation or pretend disrespect or

00:16:39.235 --> 00:16:40.657
the ignoring didn't happen.

00:16:40.716 --> 00:16:41.658
The point is,

00:16:42.557 --> 00:16:44.298
and when we talk about leadership,

00:16:44.318 --> 00:16:45.298
this is very important,

00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:48.880
is recognizing that what I did in that

00:16:48.921 --> 00:16:51.042
situation is I made an interpretation.

00:16:51.722 --> 00:16:54.683
And that interpretation can influence how

00:16:54.783 --> 00:16:58.066
I feel, how I respond, what I make,

00:16:58.125 --> 00:17:01.067
and ultimately what happens next.

00:17:01.408 --> 00:17:04.568
So one of the questions that I encourage

00:17:04.669 --> 00:17:05.750
people to ask

00:17:07.715 --> 00:17:08.696
young or adult,

00:17:08.936 --> 00:17:13.317
is what actually happened and what meaning

00:17:13.357 --> 00:17:15.939
did I assign to what happened?

00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:19.400
Because that little bit of awareness can

00:17:19.460 --> 00:17:22.821
sometimes completely change what happens

00:17:22.882 --> 00:17:23.142
next.

00:17:24.842 --> 00:17:27.403
And for leaders, that's critical.

00:17:27.423 --> 00:17:31.184
I mean, you think about it.

00:17:31.285 --> 00:17:31.924
If you're someone...

00:17:32.753 --> 00:17:34.355
in public office, right?

00:17:34.795 --> 00:17:36.214
I mean,

00:17:39.155 --> 00:17:40.896
the number of different types of

00:17:41.017 --> 00:17:44.397
interactions that take place,

00:17:44.657 --> 00:17:45.998
the words that are said,

00:17:46.239 --> 00:17:47.759
the tone attached to them,

00:17:48.378 --> 00:17:55.001
the body language, you name it, right?

00:17:55.041 --> 00:17:56.261
That interpretation

00:17:58.431 --> 00:18:01.292
really ties directly to, in part,

00:18:01.333 --> 00:18:03.334
the way that you handle and address

00:18:03.374 --> 00:18:06.256
conflict within your own life and the way

00:18:06.296 --> 00:18:07.836
that you handle it and addressing it with

00:18:07.876 --> 00:18:09.837
other people.

00:18:09.917 --> 00:18:11.719
I'm sorry.

00:18:11.818 --> 00:18:12.959
With your organization,

00:18:13.019 --> 00:18:16.421
you help leaders with this whole process,

00:18:16.461 --> 00:18:16.821
correct?

00:18:17.162 --> 00:18:17.821
Absolutely.

00:18:18.462 --> 00:18:19.182
Absolutely.

00:18:19.782 --> 00:18:22.404
You know, the thing is that

00:18:24.224 --> 00:18:26.227
Most people, when they think of,

00:18:26.866 --> 00:18:29.328
kind of like you alluded to initially when

00:18:29.348 --> 00:18:30.990
we were talking about martial arts, right?

00:18:31.691 --> 00:18:35.594
People think, I mean,

00:18:35.934 --> 00:18:37.035
that's where the focus is.

00:18:41.038 --> 00:18:41.778
Most people,

00:18:43.681 --> 00:18:47.203
when they hear a reference to conflict

00:18:47.963 --> 00:18:48.625
resolution,

00:18:52.115 --> 00:18:54.276
their tendency is to simply think,

00:18:54.596 --> 00:18:55.257
you know, well,

00:18:55.336 --> 00:18:57.880
I just need to ignore it.

00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:00.882
Or if I can get better at ignoring

00:19:01.482 --> 00:19:03.825
the conflict or acting like it didn't

00:19:03.865 --> 00:19:06.007
happen or, you know,

00:19:06.386 --> 00:19:08.568
simply deferring to what the other person

00:19:08.608 --> 00:19:12.833
is saying or thinking that I am somehow

00:19:12.873 --> 00:19:13.432
improving.

00:19:13.993 --> 00:19:16.236
Transfer that into the workplace.

00:19:18.369 --> 00:19:21.673
And you have organizations that are in

00:19:21.752 --> 00:19:23.913
many ways thriving, successful.

00:19:24.413 --> 00:19:26.036
We ain't throwing no shade at anybody.

00:19:26.955 --> 00:19:29.917
But within the inner workings,

00:19:29.938 --> 00:19:33.000
within those interpersonal relationships,

00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:38.064
there is conflict that exists that is not

00:19:38.203 --> 00:19:39.605
being addressed because

00:19:40.702 --> 00:19:45.968
It's not being viewed as conflict in the

00:19:45.988 --> 00:19:49.411
mastering your moments sense.

00:19:49.490 --> 00:19:52.913
And there's a saying at the center of

00:19:52.933 --> 00:19:55.076
your work, every moment matters,

00:19:55.195 --> 00:19:56.837
every choice resonates.

00:19:57.117 --> 00:19:58.479
Is that where that comes from?

00:19:58.779 --> 00:19:59.099
Yes.

00:20:00.560 --> 00:20:01.481
Every moment matters,

00:20:01.521 --> 00:20:02.522
every choice resonates.

00:20:02.542 --> 00:20:03.084
And what that...

00:20:04.109 --> 00:20:05.672
you know, what that speaks to, you know,

00:20:05.711 --> 00:20:07.673
in naming a company,

00:20:07.733 --> 00:20:08.914
mastering your moments,

00:20:09.395 --> 00:20:11.597
every moment matters.

00:20:11.657 --> 00:20:13.420
Now, does that mean that we, you know,

00:20:13.480 --> 00:20:17.144
we stay in a constant state of monitoring

00:20:17.183 --> 00:20:17.564
moments?

00:20:17.644 --> 00:20:18.505
No, no.

00:20:19.365 --> 00:20:22.750
But we become aware of the fact that

00:20:24.375 --> 00:20:28.857
moments are actually defining our actions.

00:20:30.178 --> 00:20:34.280
And when you're not aware of the driver

00:20:34.760 --> 00:20:37.382
behind or within those moments,

00:20:37.442 --> 00:20:38.103
whether they be,

00:20:39.772 --> 00:20:42.753
cultural, whether they be family oriented,

00:20:43.953 --> 00:20:45.474
ethnic, it doesn't matter.

00:20:45.494 --> 00:20:49.695
When you're not biological, right?

00:20:50.036 --> 00:20:52.256
Because there's this phenotype and

00:20:52.296 --> 00:20:53.096
genotype, right?

00:20:53.116 --> 00:20:53.297
I mean,

00:20:54.037 --> 00:20:56.718
there are a number of variables that go

00:20:56.837 --> 00:21:00.538
into who we are as individuals.

00:21:01.378 --> 00:21:07.760
And our responses to conflict in many

00:21:07.840 --> 00:21:08.601
instances

00:21:09.715 --> 00:21:14.400
have been groomed within us and we're not

00:21:14.460 --> 00:21:16.661
even aware of it.

00:21:17.142 --> 00:21:19.884
We can desire to respond a certain way,

00:21:20.763 --> 00:21:24.467
but it's really not in us to respond

00:21:24.946 --> 00:21:25.448
that way.

00:21:25.508 --> 00:21:28.309
Every moment matters and every choice

00:21:28.670 --> 00:21:32.292
resonates, vibrates, continues,

00:21:32.653 --> 00:21:35.615
has a ripple effect into the future.

00:21:35.714 --> 00:21:36.155
And so

00:21:37.625 --> 00:21:42.185
by becoming aware of my choices,

00:21:42.806 --> 00:21:45.126
becoming more intentional about the way

00:21:45.146 --> 00:21:47.087
that I make decisions,

00:21:48.708 --> 00:21:51.429
what I do is I position myself to

00:21:51.528 --> 00:21:57.391
make better choices and better is

00:21:57.451 --> 00:21:58.090
individual.

00:21:59.230 --> 00:21:59.971
It's relative.

00:22:00.090 --> 00:22:00.711
It's relative.

00:22:00.731 --> 00:22:01.152
That's right.

00:22:01.172 --> 00:22:01.592
Subjective.

00:22:02.412 --> 00:22:05.032
So what I heard you say,

00:22:05.073 --> 00:22:05.492
what I'm thinking,

00:22:06.505 --> 00:22:08.205
Are you basically saying like it's a

00:22:08.286 --> 00:22:09.266
learned behavior?

00:22:10.445 --> 00:22:10.986
First of all,

00:22:11.006 --> 00:22:14.426
like if it's not deposited in you to

00:22:15.028 --> 00:22:16.907
pause before something come out of your

00:22:16.988 --> 00:22:17.228
mouth,

00:22:17.268 --> 00:22:18.769
like think before you say something,

00:22:18.788 --> 00:22:20.209
just because it comes up in your head

00:22:20.229 --> 00:22:21.169
doesn't mean it needs to come out of

00:22:21.189 --> 00:22:21.690
your mouth.

00:22:22.930 --> 00:22:26.151
As a mentor with the school system,

00:22:27.010 --> 00:22:28.092
before the end of the year,

00:22:28.132 --> 00:22:30.971
the student was just fed up with being

00:22:31.011 --> 00:22:32.032
bullied and whatnot.

00:22:32.133 --> 00:22:33.492
And then they got into a fight.

00:22:34.173 --> 00:22:36.273
And at the end of the school year,

00:22:36.820 --> 00:22:41.103
so the damage is done i mean the

00:22:41.143 --> 00:22:44.663
fight was just terrible and it's like the

00:22:44.743 --> 00:22:47.065
student was like oh my goodness i'm so

00:22:47.125 --> 00:22:49.926
sorry i didn't mean to but but now

00:22:49.967 --> 00:22:52.468
the thing is done you can't unbring that

00:22:52.508 --> 00:22:57.349
veil right so how can we because you

00:22:57.369 --> 00:22:58.970
know we talk to them about consequences

00:22:58.990 --> 00:23:00.830
like you lay your hands on somebody you

00:23:00.871 --> 00:23:02.612
know we're in a world now that you

00:23:02.632 --> 00:23:02.832
know

00:23:03.358 --> 00:23:05.038
This is some really serious stuff.

00:23:05.058 --> 00:23:06.920
This isn't, fifty years ago,

00:23:06.940 --> 00:23:08.160
where people can just break it up and

00:23:08.180 --> 00:23:09.920
go in your corner and everybody talk to

00:23:09.960 --> 00:23:10.601
your parents.

00:23:11.121 --> 00:23:12.800
People are going to jail and things are

00:23:12.840 --> 00:23:14.121
happening.

00:23:15.402 --> 00:23:19.082
How do you see your program aligning with

00:23:19.563 --> 00:23:20.782
our school systems,

00:23:20.923 --> 00:23:22.482
even in corporate America,

00:23:22.843 --> 00:23:26.483
to help really emphasize that break?

00:23:26.604 --> 00:23:28.944
Because that's a split second that you

00:23:28.984 --> 00:23:30.045
have to say,

00:23:31.229 --> 00:23:33.830
I'm either gonna control myself or my

00:23:33.990 --> 00:23:36.011
actions are gonna give me a consequence

00:23:36.532 --> 00:23:38.554
that it just may not be a good

00:23:38.574 --> 00:23:38.713
outlook.

00:23:38.733 --> 00:23:39.255
Sure, sure.

00:23:40.596 --> 00:23:41.935
But John, before you answer that,

00:23:42.017 --> 00:23:44.397
I'm also thinking along the same line as

00:23:44.458 --> 00:23:44.758
Kat,

00:23:44.817 --> 00:23:46.199
and you could probably answer this

00:23:46.219 --> 00:23:46.740
together,

00:23:47.519 --> 00:23:51.722
is we deal with a lot of children

00:23:52.304 --> 00:23:54.865
that have had adverse childhood

00:23:54.904 --> 00:23:55.445
experiences,

00:23:55.546 --> 00:23:57.747
and even adults who've had these

00:23:57.787 --> 00:23:59.608
experiences and they're carrying it on.

00:24:00.249 --> 00:24:04.553
And it formulates how they respond to

00:24:04.633 --> 00:24:05.512
stimuli,

00:24:05.574 --> 00:24:09.135
how they respond to any given situation.

00:24:09.477 --> 00:24:12.598
How does your work help with that?

00:24:12.659 --> 00:24:15.501
How does your work work with those types

00:24:15.561 --> 00:24:22.507
of persons who deal with untreated trauma?

00:24:22.626 --> 00:24:24.388
Yes, untreated trauma.

00:24:24.449 --> 00:24:25.410
So, oh, man.

00:24:28.106 --> 00:24:29.667
I love you too, I'm telling you.

00:24:29.748 --> 00:24:39.810
One of the things that we have to

00:24:39.830 --> 00:24:45.333
do is we've got to stop looking at

00:24:46.794 --> 00:24:48.375
everybody as being the same.

00:24:49.875 --> 00:24:50.575
True.

00:24:50.615 --> 00:24:53.316
Now, I'm saying that, and trust me,

00:24:53.375 --> 00:24:55.836
I understand that when it comes to

00:24:56.117 --> 00:24:56.678
education,

00:24:57.676 --> 00:24:57.977
You know,

00:24:58.178 --> 00:25:00.819
we don't necessarily have the resources to

00:25:00.859 --> 00:25:06.826
put into specific silos for every variant

00:25:06.865 --> 00:25:11.230
type of personality or degree of issue or

00:25:11.269 --> 00:25:13.092
challenge that a person is dealing with.

00:25:13.251 --> 00:25:17.556
But we can change the starting point.

00:25:18.136 --> 00:25:20.058
By that, what I mean is

00:25:21.584 --> 00:25:24.346
We've got to start with an understanding

00:25:24.405 --> 00:25:27.768
that every child that's coming in through

00:25:27.788 --> 00:25:31.911
these doors is coming from a completely

00:25:31.971 --> 00:25:33.070
different situation.

00:25:33.352 --> 00:25:36.032
Yes.

00:25:36.073 --> 00:25:36.834
So therefore.

00:25:40.761 --> 00:25:44.242
the foundation of learning has got to

00:25:44.363 --> 00:25:48.003
start with some understandings about

00:25:48.763 --> 00:25:55.766
choices and acknowledgement of some of

00:25:55.806 --> 00:25:57.006
these variables.

00:25:57.046 --> 00:26:02.948
Like you mentioned trauma, right?

00:26:03.008 --> 00:26:06.509
Trauma, if you have a child

00:26:07.926 --> 00:26:09.827
who's grown up in a protected,

00:26:10.828 --> 00:26:14.269
safe environment, three meals a day,

00:26:14.369 --> 00:26:15.851
clean clothes every day,

00:26:18.011 --> 00:26:19.432
extracurricular activities,

00:26:20.012 --> 00:26:21.334
both parents in the home,

00:26:22.174 --> 00:26:25.957
stable environment, right?

00:26:25.997 --> 00:26:31.380
That child has been traumatized.

00:26:31.460 --> 00:26:31.579
Okay,

00:26:31.599 --> 00:26:32.940
you're gonna have to break that one down.

00:26:32.960 --> 00:26:34.040
Yeah, right.

00:26:34.411 --> 00:26:35.872
Because trauma is trauma.

00:26:36.152 --> 00:26:36.571
Trauma,

00:26:40.413 --> 00:26:43.695
you can traumatically affect someone in a

00:26:43.756 --> 00:26:49.279
positive way.

00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:54.742
Your actions can have an effect on someone

00:26:55.919 --> 00:26:59.961
that brings about positive results from

00:27:00.001 --> 00:27:00.201
them.

00:27:00.702 --> 00:27:02.223
They can be traumatized in that way.

00:27:04.305 --> 00:27:06.146
This is really my point in all of

00:27:06.186 --> 00:27:06.287
it.

00:27:07.288 --> 00:27:11.030
That same child that grew up in that

00:27:11.050 --> 00:27:16.054
environment goes to school and possibly

00:27:16.134 --> 00:27:19.336
has an attitude where they expect

00:27:19.457 --> 00:27:20.678
everything to be given to them.

00:27:22.078 --> 00:27:23.460
Okay, I can see that.

00:27:23.779 --> 00:27:24.361
I can see that.

00:27:25.778 --> 00:27:27.039
that child's been traumatized.

00:27:27.621 --> 00:27:29.021
Right.

00:27:29.041 --> 00:27:29.803
You're right.

00:27:29.843 --> 00:27:32.785
You have a child, you know,

00:27:32.884 --> 00:27:35.748
like somebody like me who grew up in

00:27:36.248 --> 00:27:37.970
dealing with poverty and different

00:27:38.009 --> 00:27:40.030
challenges and others that we know, right?

00:27:40.751 --> 00:27:41.972
Dealt with all types of,

00:27:42.413 --> 00:27:44.714
others deal with all types of neglect and

00:27:44.755 --> 00:27:46.217
abuse that takes place.

00:27:46.977 --> 00:27:47.817
They're traumatized.

00:27:48.298 --> 00:27:48.739
Yeah.

00:27:48.798 --> 00:27:50.299
When they come into the school

00:27:50.339 --> 00:27:50.921
environment,

00:27:52.486 --> 00:27:55.866
they have a mindset of how they're gonna

00:27:55.906 --> 00:28:00.048
respond to conflict.

00:28:00.108 --> 00:28:04.609
So you have all of these personalities

00:28:04.650 --> 00:28:08.471
falling into this one place where the

00:28:08.531 --> 00:28:11.472
expectation is one particular outcome,

00:28:11.492 --> 00:28:14.874
but no one has spent the time talking

00:28:14.933 --> 00:28:15.334
about

00:28:17.025 --> 00:28:18.967
Here's what you're likely going to

00:28:19.047 --> 00:28:19.847
experience.

00:28:20.528 --> 00:28:22.951
Here's what you might be thinking as we

00:28:22.990 --> 00:28:24.571
go through this.

00:28:24.771 --> 00:28:27.414
Or tell me something that allows me to

00:28:27.595 --> 00:28:29.757
see you more clearly so that I understand.

00:28:30.337 --> 00:28:31.919
Whenever I hear a story about a kid

00:28:31.939 --> 00:28:35.622
that was being bullied until he snapped,

00:28:35.663 --> 00:28:36.983
that just drives me crazy.

00:28:38.871 --> 00:28:39.611
Embrace your heart.

00:28:40.211 --> 00:28:41.031
Oh my gosh.

00:28:41.951 --> 00:28:45.894
Because that's something where a few

00:28:45.933 --> 00:28:46.854
conversations.

00:28:47.354 --> 00:28:48.015
I was just about to say,

00:28:48.055 --> 00:28:51.096
how many intervening situations could have

00:28:51.155 --> 00:28:58.278
happened that could have derailed the

00:28:58.318 --> 00:29:01.440
tragedy from happening?

00:29:01.660 --> 00:29:04.862
Or early intervention from an earlier

00:29:04.902 --> 00:29:05.221
state.

00:29:05.261 --> 00:29:06.342
So when that happens,

00:29:06.382 --> 00:29:08.163
the person who has been bullied

00:29:08.876 --> 00:29:09.922
knows how to react.

00:29:09.981 --> 00:29:13.497
And then bullying knows not to bully.

00:29:16.912 --> 00:29:17.732
Am I saying they were like,

00:29:17.752 --> 00:29:19.153
the earlier we- I think we're all saying

00:29:19.193 --> 00:29:19.733
the same thing.

00:29:19.753 --> 00:29:20.674
There could have been,

00:29:21.575 --> 00:29:23.957
there's so many other avenues that could

00:29:23.977 --> 00:29:26.617
have happened before we get to a tragedy.

00:29:26.999 --> 00:29:29.079
The bully could have,

00:29:29.559 --> 00:29:31.320
there could have been interventions with

00:29:31.381 --> 00:29:33.303
the bully so that the bully is not

00:29:33.462 --> 00:29:35.584
bullying and they learn that that is not

00:29:35.644 --> 00:29:37.884
acceptable behavior and that you don't

00:29:37.924 --> 00:29:39.105
treat people this way.

00:29:39.926 --> 00:29:43.108
And then for the child that was bullied,

00:29:43.689 --> 00:29:48.170
for adults to intervene and to make the

00:29:48.210 --> 00:29:50.050
school safe for them or wherever that

00:29:50.111 --> 00:29:52.191
place is, make that safe for them.

00:29:52.471 --> 00:29:52.832
So there's,

00:29:53.692 --> 00:29:54.531
I think we're saying- So many levels.

00:29:54.551 --> 00:29:54.632
Yeah.

00:29:54.652 --> 00:29:57.732
Absolutely.

00:29:57.792 --> 00:30:02.013
So there may have been interventions,

00:30:03.954 --> 00:30:05.335
but what were those interventions?

00:30:06.681 --> 00:30:09.501
what kind of conversations were being had?

00:30:10.142 --> 00:30:12.403
Are we having conversations that are more

00:30:12.903 --> 00:30:17.505
about simply getting this young person to

00:30:17.805 --> 00:30:22.365
fall in line so that they can kind

00:30:22.425 --> 00:30:24.946
of continue to march through the process

00:30:24.967 --> 00:30:26.008
like everybody else?

00:30:26.647 --> 00:30:32.069
Or are we addressing what possibly is at

00:30:32.109 --> 00:30:32.529
the root

00:30:33.549 --> 00:30:34.790
Of the issue for that.

00:30:34.810 --> 00:30:36.692
Of the booking, of the, yeah.

00:30:36.951 --> 00:30:38.292
Of everybody.

00:30:38.593 --> 00:30:39.153
Absolutely.

00:30:39.173 --> 00:30:42.576
So we walk a fine line, right?

00:30:42.895 --> 00:30:43.797
I'm guilty of this.

00:30:44.317 --> 00:30:49.039
How do we as parents help our children

00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:51.801
learn how to solve problems without

00:30:51.862 --> 00:30:53.843
solving everything for them?

00:30:54.223 --> 00:30:55.984
I'm a miss fix it.

00:30:56.065 --> 00:30:57.085
I'm a mama fix it.

00:30:57.105 --> 00:30:58.767
Really?

00:30:58.886 --> 00:31:01.468
And I own it.

00:31:01.667 --> 00:31:02.189
How...

00:31:02.890 --> 00:31:06.512
do we teach the skill for our children

00:31:07.294 --> 00:31:09.715
and then them teaching their children to

00:31:09.796 --> 00:31:13.739
solve their problems without us stepping

00:31:13.858 --> 00:31:17.961
in and being the mom yes yeah how

00:31:17.981 --> 00:31:25.567
do we do that so it starts with

00:31:25.928 --> 00:31:27.650
some acknowledgements within yourself

00:31:30.648 --> 00:31:31.989
How do you,

00:31:32.269 --> 00:31:34.210
if we're talking about conflict, right?

00:31:34.450 --> 00:31:35.330
Yeah.

00:31:35.371 --> 00:31:36.631
How do you deal with conflict?

00:31:36.810 --> 00:31:39.011
And I'm being rhetorical in the statement.

00:31:39.031 --> 00:31:40.932
Gotcha, gotcha, understood.

00:31:40.992 --> 00:31:42.573
How do you deal with conflict?

00:31:42.874 --> 00:31:44.953
How do you handle being disrespected?

00:31:45.454 --> 00:31:46.954
What do you do when you feel like

00:31:46.974 --> 00:31:47.915
you're being ignored?

00:31:48.615 --> 00:31:52.876
What's the behavior that you've modeled in

00:31:52.958 --> 00:31:53.958
front of your child

00:31:55.843 --> 00:32:01.027
way before the escalation is taking place,

00:32:02.067 --> 00:32:02.208
right?

00:32:02.228 --> 00:32:04.150
Because once we're in escalation stage,

00:32:04.670 --> 00:32:06.010
it's a whole different ball game that

00:32:06.070 --> 00:32:07.392
we're doing, right?

00:32:08.153 --> 00:32:11.494
But what's the behavior that you have

00:32:12.816 --> 00:32:15.117
mirrored for them?

00:32:15.137 --> 00:32:18.580
Because, you know, our kids, man, they...

00:32:19.500 --> 00:32:20.759
They see everything we do.

00:32:20.820 --> 00:32:23.141
They're sponges.

00:32:23.201 --> 00:32:24.321
We think they don't see,

00:32:24.342 --> 00:32:26.123
but they're observing all day long.

00:32:27.782 --> 00:32:30.723
And there are so many other things that

00:32:30.763 --> 00:32:33.345
are affecting them from an impression

00:32:33.384 --> 00:32:37.886
standpoint outside of the safe bounds of

00:32:38.406 --> 00:32:38.926
our home.

00:32:40.228 --> 00:32:40.448
So...

00:32:43.134 --> 00:32:44.996
To me, as a parent,

00:32:45.056 --> 00:32:48.720
if I'm having a conversation with my

00:32:48.779 --> 00:32:49.140
child,

00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:50.682
and to an extent it's going to depend

00:32:50.701 --> 00:32:51.301
on the age,

00:32:51.362 --> 00:32:53.704
but I've got to be willing to be

00:32:54.726 --> 00:32:55.445
transparent.

00:32:55.906 --> 00:32:58.328
Okay.

00:32:58.368 --> 00:33:00.530
Maybe you ask your child,

00:33:02.553 --> 00:33:06.176
how do you think I would handle that

00:33:06.257 --> 00:33:07.218
in that same situation?

00:33:07.662 --> 00:33:08.061
Yeah.

00:33:08.122 --> 00:33:09.102
Okay.

00:33:09.142 --> 00:33:10.863
Rather than telling them how to handle it.

00:33:10.883 --> 00:33:11.083
Yeah.

00:33:11.323 --> 00:33:12.962
If, if, if, if,

00:33:13.143 --> 00:33:15.523
if mommy or daddy was being in a

00:33:15.584 --> 00:33:16.923
situation where they were being bullied,

00:33:16.943 --> 00:33:18.784
because guess what?

00:33:18.804 --> 00:33:20.263
You have people that are being bullied in

00:33:20.284 --> 00:33:21.085
the workplace too.

00:33:21.204 --> 00:33:21.984
Yes.

00:33:22.144 --> 00:33:23.125
What just happened in the.

00:33:25.204 --> 00:33:26.346
Remember when we were at a farm,

00:33:26.385 --> 00:33:28.205
a dude was talking about being bullied in

00:33:28.266 --> 00:33:29.006
his own community.

00:33:29.125 --> 00:33:30.605
Remember cameras at that farm?

00:33:30.885 --> 00:33:31.326
Yes.

00:33:31.487 --> 00:33:31.727
Yep.

00:33:32.586 --> 00:33:33.247
So, so.

00:33:35.421 --> 00:33:38.022
How do you think I would handle that?

00:33:39.284 --> 00:33:41.744
Have you seen me ever in that situation?

00:33:42.685 --> 00:33:45.407
How do you think I deal with disrespect?

00:33:45.428 --> 00:33:47.048
What do you think my response is?

00:33:47.648 --> 00:33:52.432
Because our children are the product of

00:33:52.711 --> 00:33:55.993
the biology, the environment,

00:33:58.756 --> 00:34:01.217
the experience that they have in the next

00:34:01.297 --> 00:34:01.698
second

00:34:02.587 --> 00:34:05.469
is going to factor into how they may

00:34:05.509 --> 00:34:07.308
view something or how they may respond to

00:34:07.328 --> 00:34:08.590
a particular situation.

00:34:10.951 --> 00:34:12.251
Do you speak about that?

00:34:12.311 --> 00:34:13.751
So tell us a little bit about your

00:34:13.791 --> 00:34:14.010
book,

00:34:14.070 --> 00:34:17.893
Mastering the ABCs of Conflict Resolution.

00:34:18.532 --> 00:34:20.193
And then when you do that,

00:34:20.432 --> 00:34:21.534
because it's a series,

00:34:21.793 --> 00:34:23.434
we would be remiss if we didn't talk

00:34:23.454 --> 00:34:25.474
about the fact that you have a series

00:34:25.594 --> 00:34:25.994
of books.

00:34:28.548 --> 00:34:30.969
So walk us through into where you are

00:34:31.010 --> 00:34:31.650
right now.

00:34:31.929 --> 00:34:32.230
Okay.

00:34:32.931 --> 00:34:34.451
What I got to acknowledge though,

00:34:34.530 --> 00:34:36.652
first though, is when we first,

00:34:36.831 --> 00:34:42.034
when we got together three plus years ago,

00:34:42.054 --> 00:34:43.074
the first book was

00:34:45.032 --> 00:34:46.172
I had stuff written down,

00:34:46.851 --> 00:34:48.152
but a whole lot of it was still

00:34:48.172 --> 00:34:50.914
in my head.

00:34:52.855 --> 00:34:54.096
So it officially,

00:34:54.175 --> 00:34:59.777
the first book actually released in April

00:34:59.898 --> 00:35:00.518
of,

00:35:01.759 --> 00:35:04.139
and that was Mastering the ABCs of

00:35:04.199 --> 00:35:05.201
Conflict Resolution,

00:35:05.300 --> 00:35:07.322
Empowering Today's Generation of Youth,

00:35:07.942 --> 00:35:09.342
Parents, and Community Leaders.

00:35:09.382 --> 00:35:10.023
And that book,

00:35:11.030 --> 00:35:13.251
really represents where the journey began,

00:35:13.331 --> 00:35:13.592
right?

00:35:13.891 --> 00:35:17.173
I used the alphabet as just a practical

00:35:17.893 --> 00:35:19.795
framework for exploring conflict

00:35:19.835 --> 00:35:22.918
resolution concepts through three

00:35:22.958 --> 00:35:25.099
perspectives, the student, the parent,

00:35:25.478 --> 00:35:26.639
and the leader, right?

00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:29.422
The objective was never simply to tell

00:35:29.461 --> 00:35:31.123
young people to make better choices.

00:35:31.422 --> 00:35:32.563
And that's what I was thinking of earlier.

00:35:33.356 --> 00:35:34.617
A lot of times when people hear conflict

00:35:34.657 --> 00:35:35.577
resolution, that's what they think,

00:35:35.976 --> 00:35:36.757
make better choices.

00:35:37.958 --> 00:35:39.599
How do I make a better choice?

00:35:39.659 --> 00:35:40.858
What is a better choice?

00:35:40.898 --> 00:35:42.119
What does that look like?

00:35:43.139 --> 00:35:44.420
What's that decision tree?

00:35:45.701 --> 00:35:48.202
So it was to recognize that young people

00:35:48.302 --> 00:35:51.242
exist within an ecosystem and the adults

00:35:51.382 --> 00:35:55.045
around them also have a responsibility for

00:35:55.125 --> 00:35:56.184
teaching, modeling,

00:35:56.284 --> 00:35:59.626
and reinforcing constructive ways of

00:36:00.186 --> 00:36:01.106
dealing with conflict.

00:36:01.146 --> 00:36:02.867
So typically, you know,

00:36:04.110 --> 00:36:05.610
People that, you know,

00:36:05.650 --> 00:36:07.572
parents will buy my books and my book

00:36:07.612 --> 00:36:08.614
and I'll tell them, well,

00:36:08.693 --> 00:36:10.775
what I want you to do is I

00:36:10.795 --> 00:36:11.876
really want you to go through it with

00:36:11.896 --> 00:36:12.436
your child.

00:36:12.777 --> 00:36:13.958
Right.

00:36:13.978 --> 00:36:14.798
I want you to go through it with

00:36:14.818 --> 00:36:14.938
them.

00:36:15.318 --> 00:36:16.079
And it's written.

00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:19.063
So it's not meant to have you have

00:36:19.103 --> 00:36:20.664
to pull out your dictionary and look up

00:36:20.704 --> 00:36:21.385
a bunch of words.

00:36:21.625 --> 00:36:22.105
No, it's not.

00:36:22.204 --> 00:36:23.806
That's not that's not the approach.

00:36:24.367 --> 00:36:26.929
It's literally using the ABCs.

00:36:27.369 --> 00:36:27.590
Right.

00:36:29.041 --> 00:36:29.782
The second book,

00:36:30.021 --> 00:36:32.023
Mastering the ABCs of Conflict Resolution,

00:36:32.402 --> 00:36:34.202
Practical Tools for Adults in

00:36:34.302 --> 00:36:35.842
Relationships, Work, and Life.

00:36:35.963 --> 00:36:37.324
Now, with that book,

00:36:37.364 --> 00:36:41.804
the audience and the inquiry both mature.

00:36:43.144 --> 00:36:45.005
We're looking at conflict in adult

00:36:45.025 --> 00:36:47.186
relationships, workplaces, leadership,

00:36:47.945 --> 00:36:49.306
families, and everyday life.

00:36:49.806 --> 00:36:52.746
But we're also moving more inward,

00:36:53.206 --> 00:36:55.487
examining things like acknowledgment,

00:36:56.168 --> 00:36:57.628
empathy, assumption,

00:36:58.914 --> 00:37:01.376
emotional responses and the choices we

00:37:01.438 --> 00:37:04.681
make while we're inside of the conflict

00:37:04.742 --> 00:37:06.184
itself.

00:37:06.224 --> 00:37:08.907
That book, and it wasn't planned,

00:37:09.447 --> 00:37:11.070
actually released

00:37:12.306 --> 00:37:14.969
on the same day this year.

00:37:15.469 --> 00:37:18.773
So, and when I tell you it was,

00:37:19.954 --> 00:37:21.735
I couldn't have planned it if I wanted

00:37:21.775 --> 00:37:21.916
to.

00:37:22.016 --> 00:37:23.317
I mean, I was literally,

00:37:23.956 --> 00:37:25.038
I was ready to release it.

00:37:25.077 --> 00:37:27.681
And then I saw something and didn't like

00:37:27.721 --> 00:37:27.780
it.

00:37:27.800 --> 00:37:29.641
So I pulled it back and the day

00:37:29.682 --> 00:37:31.043
it released was the same day that the

00:37:31.083 --> 00:37:31.905
first book released,

00:37:31.965 --> 00:37:34.706
which was really pretty phenomenal.

00:37:34.726 --> 00:37:34.786
Yes.

00:37:35.887 --> 00:37:38.528
The third book is Beyond Outcomes,

00:37:39.128 --> 00:37:41.170
the hidden forces behind the choices that

00:37:41.210 --> 00:37:42.030
define us.

00:37:42.989 --> 00:37:45.931
And that's where the inquiry moves even

00:37:46.110 --> 00:37:47.592
farther upstream, right?

00:37:47.612 --> 00:37:49.532
Because instead of looking only at the

00:37:49.711 --> 00:37:51.432
outcome and saying,

00:37:52.112 --> 00:37:53.954
that was a good decision or that was

00:37:53.974 --> 00:37:54.713
a bad decision,

00:37:55.748 --> 00:37:57.329
Beyond Outcomes asks,

00:37:57.610 --> 00:38:00.431
what shaped the person who made that

00:38:00.472 --> 00:38:00.932
choice?

00:38:00.992 --> 00:38:04.135
And so it explores the role of context,

00:38:04.695 --> 00:38:06.938
genetics, environment, conditioning,

00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:09.840
identity, relationships, experience,

00:38:09.860 --> 00:38:12.923
and other influences that actually can

00:38:12.983 --> 00:38:16.547
shape how we interpret situations and the

00:38:16.606 --> 00:38:19.429
choices we perceive as available to us.

00:38:19.849 --> 00:38:21.472
Because that's the thing.

00:38:22.782 --> 00:38:24.922
Every choice matters.

00:38:25.023 --> 00:38:26.324
Every moment matters, right?

00:38:26.985 --> 00:38:28.666
In moments,

00:38:30.666 --> 00:38:35.269
we are making choices based on what we

00:38:35.329 --> 00:38:38.192
believe is actually available to us as a

00:38:38.271 --> 00:38:38.771
choice.

00:38:39.972 --> 00:38:40.532
Quick story.

00:38:40.893 --> 00:38:42.574
I was at an event a couple of

00:38:42.594 --> 00:38:43.054
weeks ago.

00:38:43.074 --> 00:38:45.135
I was having a conversation with a young

00:38:45.175 --> 00:38:45.496
lady.

00:38:46.757 --> 00:38:50.760
She's five years from retirement in the

00:38:50.800 --> 00:38:51.981
county that she works in.

00:38:53.188 --> 00:38:55.728
we were talking, and she says to me,

00:38:56.969 --> 00:38:59.231
you know, I got five years left, John,

00:38:59.490 --> 00:39:01.411
and you know,

00:39:02.411 --> 00:39:03.813
if I didn't have to do it,

00:39:05.373 --> 00:39:07.155
if I could, I would leave today.

00:39:08.594 --> 00:39:08.795
Right?

00:39:10.836 --> 00:39:12.097
So I said to her, I said,

00:39:13.117 --> 00:39:15.119
but wait a minute, you can leave today.

00:39:15.139 --> 00:39:17.920
Right.

00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:18.239
Right?

00:39:18.699 --> 00:39:20.240
There's some consequences to that,

00:39:20.260 --> 00:39:20.960
but you could.

00:39:20.981 --> 00:39:21.322
Right.

00:39:23.822 --> 00:39:25.083
Right?

00:39:25.483 --> 00:39:29.585
But that's the moment when we're

00:39:29.626 --> 00:39:33.588
considering our choices,

00:39:33.608 --> 00:39:36.150
we are operating off of choices that we

00:39:36.429 --> 00:39:38.891
perceive as being available to us.

00:39:39.052 --> 00:39:43.293
And those perceived choices are often

00:39:43.414 --> 00:39:46.356
influenced by things that, excuse me,

00:39:46.416 --> 00:39:47.936
we're totally unaware of.

00:39:50.284 --> 00:39:52.306
The purpose is not to eliminate personal

00:39:52.347 --> 00:39:53.106
responsibility.

00:39:53.166 --> 00:39:53.768
In fact,

00:39:54.969 --> 00:39:58.992
ultimately it brings us back to it because

00:39:59.193 --> 00:40:01.815
once I become aware of what has influenced

00:40:01.875 --> 00:40:04.476
me, the question becomes,

00:40:04.797 --> 00:40:06.619
what am I gonna do with that awareness?

00:40:07.159 --> 00:40:09.561
So that's why, you know,

00:40:09.581 --> 00:40:10.621
when I think of the three books,

00:40:10.922 --> 00:40:11.742
I describe them this way.

00:40:11.802 --> 00:40:14.184
Book one asks how we handle conflict.

00:40:14.606 --> 00:40:15.547
Book two asks,

00:40:16.146 --> 00:40:18.208
how we show up inside conflict.

00:40:18.668 --> 00:40:19.809
And book three asks,

00:40:19.969 --> 00:40:22.353
what shaped the person who is showing up?

00:40:22.713 --> 00:40:24.233
So the books don't simply change

00:40:24.373 --> 00:40:24.994
audiences.

00:40:25.956 --> 00:40:29.659
Inquiry keeps moving deeper.

00:40:30.039 --> 00:40:32.041
I love how you thought that out, man.

00:40:32.061 --> 00:40:33.722
That is just amazing because I'm like,

00:40:33.842 --> 00:40:34.123
all right,

00:40:34.163 --> 00:40:35.503
where I sign up to get my books?

00:40:35.523 --> 00:40:38.407
Because we need to get it.

00:40:38.447 --> 00:40:39.126
You need to mind,

00:40:39.166 --> 00:40:41.509
don't tell everybody the website where

00:40:41.528 --> 00:40:42.771
they need to go to get these books,

00:40:42.851 --> 00:40:43.110
brother.

00:40:43.567 --> 00:40:43.786
Yeah,

00:40:43.987 --> 00:40:48.030
so our website is momentstomaster.com.

00:40:48.851 --> 00:40:54.195
M-O-M-E-N-T-S-T-O-M-A-S-T-E-R,

00:40:54.755 --> 00:40:58.557
momentstomaster.com.

00:40:59.018 --> 00:41:02.400
And you go to the website and basically

00:41:03.041 --> 00:41:05.842
you find out everything about the

00:41:05.943 --> 00:41:06.684
organization,

00:41:06.764 --> 00:41:09.726
what it is that we are actually working

00:41:09.885 --> 00:41:11.447
on, what we're working towards,

00:41:13.548 --> 00:41:15.309
If you're interested in information on

00:41:15.411 --> 00:41:16.490
speaking engagements,

00:41:16.590 --> 00:41:22.476
anything as it relates to this framework,

00:41:22.496 --> 00:41:23.336
that's the place.

00:41:23.936 --> 00:41:25.277
Okay.

00:41:25.318 --> 00:41:27.739
Momentstomaster.com.

00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:30.121
And the latest,

00:41:30.501 --> 00:41:31.882
or actually the first book.

00:41:32.454 --> 00:41:34.858
is mastering the abcs of conflict

00:41:34.898 --> 00:41:36.840
resolution and what are the other two

00:41:36.860 --> 00:41:39.463
books the the first the the first two

00:41:39.503 --> 00:41:40.985
books are both mastering the abcs of

00:41:41.005 --> 00:41:43.389
conflict resolution the only uh difference

00:41:43.409 --> 00:41:45.751
is the subtitle okay uh the first one

00:41:45.791 --> 00:41:47.614
is practical tools i'm sorry the first one

00:41:47.775 --> 00:41:49.177
is yeah practical tools

00:41:50.489 --> 00:41:51.931
Second one, sorry,

00:41:52.492 --> 00:41:54.994
empowering today's youth, parents,

00:41:55.014 --> 00:41:55.954
and community leaders.

00:41:55.974 --> 00:41:56.235
All right.

00:41:56.255 --> 00:42:00.057
The second one is practical tools for

00:42:00.097 --> 00:42:03.119
adults in relationships, work, and life.

00:42:03.920 --> 00:42:04.742
And the third, of course,

00:42:04.782 --> 00:42:05.862
is beyond outcomes,

00:42:06.422 --> 00:42:08.804
which deals with the forces behind the

00:42:08.824 --> 00:42:10.025
choices that define us.

00:42:10.425 --> 00:42:12.507
The forces behind the choices.

00:42:13.472 --> 00:42:14.974
T-shirt.

00:42:14.994 --> 00:42:15.353
Right?

00:42:16.693 --> 00:42:20.115
Tell us about Mastering Your Moments

00:42:20.195 --> 00:42:20.835
Institute.

00:42:22.336 --> 00:42:22.817
Ah, yes.

00:42:23.056 --> 00:42:24.157
So, man,

00:42:24.356 --> 00:42:25.958
you talk about something that I'm really

00:42:25.978 --> 00:42:26.657
excited about.

00:42:28.978 --> 00:42:33.621
The vision, the long-term vision is,

00:42:34.802 --> 00:42:36.382
and how this plays out,

00:42:38.043 --> 00:42:40.963
what it looks like in the final delivery

00:42:41.023 --> 00:42:42.425
of it is still to be determined.

00:42:43.222 --> 00:42:47.847
But for me, I envision a place,

00:42:48.547 --> 00:42:54.112
a location where youth, adults,

00:42:54.773 --> 00:42:59.958
families are able to come and we explore

00:43:01.798 --> 00:43:02.500
conflict.

00:43:02.519 --> 00:43:02.739
All right.

00:43:11.570 --> 00:43:12.911
And so it's a place where you can

00:43:12.951 --> 00:43:14.632
go for conflict resolution?

00:43:14.652 --> 00:43:15.353
That's the vision?

00:43:15.672 --> 00:43:16.393
Yeah, yeah.

00:43:16.514 --> 00:43:17.393
So, well,

00:43:17.434 --> 00:43:19.295
not for conflict resolution so much

00:43:19.416 --> 00:43:19.876
itself,

00:43:19.996 --> 00:43:22.757
but it's where the mastering your moments,

00:43:22.777 --> 00:43:27.822
where the framework can become structured

00:43:27.882 --> 00:43:29.704
learning, leadership development,

00:43:29.884 --> 00:43:32.226
training, and institutional application,

00:43:33.126 --> 00:43:35.827
rather than remaining primarily a body of

00:43:36.188 --> 00:43:36.789
written thought.

00:43:38.487 --> 00:43:40.588
So that makes it different from the books

00:43:40.867 --> 00:43:41.927
themselves, right?

00:43:41.947 --> 00:43:44.568
The books develop and communicate the

00:43:44.608 --> 00:43:47.309
intellectual framework, which is great.

00:43:48.311 --> 00:43:48.891
And, you know,

00:43:48.911 --> 00:43:50.871
I'm going to continue writing.

00:43:50.992 --> 00:43:53.572
But the Institute provides an organized

00:43:53.873 --> 00:43:56.094
vehicle through which people and

00:43:56.153 --> 00:43:58.355
organizations can learn, practice,

00:43:58.974 --> 00:44:02.315
and potentially become equipped to apply

00:44:02.356 --> 00:44:03.077
the framework.

00:44:03.516 --> 00:44:03.817
Okay.

00:44:03.876 --> 00:44:04.356
Okay.

00:44:05.197 --> 00:44:05.597
And so...

00:44:07.498 --> 00:44:10.320
That's the long-term vision.

00:44:10.521 --> 00:44:12.121
And what that actually looks like or

00:44:12.181 --> 00:44:14.623
translates into is still something to be

00:44:14.664 --> 00:44:15.105
determined.

00:44:15.505 --> 00:44:18.206
I think that as I get opportunities to

00:44:18.246 --> 00:44:22.329
go into schools and work with kids and

00:44:22.409 --> 00:44:24.211
talk to their parents and work with them,

00:44:24.891 --> 00:44:27.853
as I have opportunities to interact with

00:44:28.554 --> 00:44:29.034
leaders,

00:44:29.815 --> 00:44:32.217
including many of our political leaders,

00:44:36.907 --> 00:44:41.309
So your vision is that the Institute would

00:44:41.329 --> 00:44:45.612
be open to young people, to schools,

00:44:45.693 --> 00:44:49.275
government, is that maybe nonprofits?

00:44:49.655 --> 00:44:52.717
And nonprofits, I mean, you name it,

00:44:53.137 --> 00:44:53.938
right?

00:44:54.219 --> 00:44:57.059
And it'll really just be about better

00:44:57.101 --> 00:44:57.701
equipping people.

00:44:59.463 --> 00:45:02.664
us in terms of our human interaction.

00:45:04.903 --> 00:45:09.605
You know, conflict, conflict, resolution.

00:45:11.786 --> 00:45:13.465
When I when I when I started writing

00:45:13.485 --> 00:45:16.586
the first book, yes,

00:45:16.786 --> 00:45:18.527
conflict resolution and without a doubt,

00:45:18.788 --> 00:45:20.487
but within that,

00:45:20.807 --> 00:45:22.849
or what that all of it really drills

00:45:22.889 --> 00:45:25.489
down to is intentional decision making.

00:45:27.469 --> 00:45:28.190
Understanding

00:45:30.224 --> 00:45:34.586
emotional intelligence and being able to

00:45:35.527 --> 00:45:41.590
interact in a way that is productive and

00:45:42.030 --> 00:45:44.931
takes into consideration a full-fledged

00:45:45.211 --> 00:45:49.253
respect, really not just for others,

00:45:49.293 --> 00:45:51.335
but really as part of the understanding of

00:45:51.396 --> 00:45:52.815
who you are as an individual.

00:45:54.936 --> 00:45:56.518
The better we become at that,

00:45:59.625 --> 00:46:03.166
I think we'll see results where not that

00:46:03.206 --> 00:46:05.128
conflict is not going to happen because

00:46:05.847 --> 00:46:06.869
once you have people,

00:46:06.949 --> 00:46:07.929
there's going to be conflict,

00:46:08.829 --> 00:46:11.851
but the way we approach it will be

00:46:11.911 --> 00:46:12.371
different.

00:46:13.811 --> 00:46:15.413
Emotional intelligence.

00:46:15.672 --> 00:46:19.295
I'm seeing a lot of young people who

00:46:19.375 --> 00:46:22.416
just cannot self regulate.

00:46:24.057 --> 00:46:26.978
And I'm thinking that piece,

00:46:27.039 --> 00:46:28.719
the emotional intelligence piece,

00:46:29.195 --> 00:46:31.936
is missing for a lot of folks who

00:46:32.076 --> 00:46:35.577
are forty and under i would say um

00:46:36.478 --> 00:46:44.121
and all right cat what's that face um

00:46:44.442 --> 00:46:46.402
but i'm seeing it more what you know

00:46:46.443 --> 00:46:51.405
what though cat we're i'm you don't tell

00:46:51.425 --> 00:46:53.447
your age but i think we're somewhere

00:46:53.487 --> 00:46:55.447
around the same age i'm just guesstimating

00:46:58.264 --> 00:47:04.188
But we were taught, right, to act right.

00:47:04.327 --> 00:47:07.951
Like, that's what was drilled into us.

00:47:09.112 --> 00:47:12.713
Don't go here and embarrass me.

00:47:12.934 --> 00:47:13.155
Right.

00:47:13.875 --> 00:47:14.956
Don't act ugly.

00:47:15.215 --> 00:47:15.356
Like,

00:47:15.376 --> 00:47:17.177
these are things that we heard growing up,

00:47:17.277 --> 00:47:17.637
right?

00:47:17.938 --> 00:47:20.199
That's the trauma he was talking about,

00:47:20.239 --> 00:47:20.619
though.

00:47:20.739 --> 00:47:22.961
Because, Karen, my thing.

00:47:23.061 --> 00:47:23.461
Go ahead.

00:47:23.481 --> 00:47:24.882
Can you hear me?

00:47:26.711 --> 00:47:29.112
My thing would be when our parents were

00:47:29.152 --> 00:47:31.773
telling us that, why?

00:47:35.735 --> 00:47:39.757
What is it that they were trying to

00:47:40.976 --> 00:47:42.677
protect themselves from?

00:47:43.858 --> 00:47:44.878
Because if I say to you,

00:47:44.918 --> 00:47:46.579
don't you go in there and embarrass me,

00:47:47.699 --> 00:47:51.460
am I saying don't embarrass yourself?

00:47:52.021 --> 00:47:54.581
Am I saying that your actions are

00:47:55.231 --> 00:47:57.572
even though they may be age appropriate

00:47:57.612 --> 00:48:00.992
for you, for me,

00:48:01.932 --> 00:48:04.253
they're going to embarrass me because my

00:48:04.333 --> 00:48:08.695
expectations of how you should present fit

00:48:08.996 --> 00:48:10.115
this particular narrative.

00:48:10.155 --> 00:48:11.956
And I'm not saying it's wrong.

00:48:13.257 --> 00:48:16.878
I'm saying that the emotional intelligence

00:48:16.938 --> 00:48:17.338
piece

00:48:18.715 --> 00:48:20.795
that our children have learned,

00:48:20.815 --> 00:48:22.538
they've learned from their parents in many

00:48:22.577 --> 00:48:23.177
cases.

00:48:23.737 --> 00:48:27.481
So the deficits in emotional intelligence

00:48:29.202 --> 00:48:34.226
are really among the adult population on

00:48:34.746 --> 00:48:35.666
serious levels.

00:48:36.907 --> 00:48:43.251
Because who really talked to us about that

00:48:43.391 --> 00:48:46.034
in those terms, using that language?

00:48:46.364 --> 00:48:48.965
When I think about that and I fully

00:48:49.266 --> 00:48:51.425
understand that when I hear it and I

00:48:51.585 --> 00:48:52.065
say it,

00:48:52.606 --> 00:48:56.206
that our parents told us that because it

00:48:56.226 --> 00:48:58.387
was a matter of self-preservation.

00:48:58.688 --> 00:49:02.489
Because they were of a generation that if

00:49:02.509 --> 00:49:04.969
they looked at someone a certain way,

00:49:05.369 --> 00:49:06.570
that was a different generation.

00:49:06.650 --> 00:49:08.130
Hugh, right?

00:49:08.610 --> 00:49:10.853
If they looked them in the eye,

00:49:10.873 --> 00:49:12.793
if they did not move over a certain

00:49:12.813 --> 00:49:14.295
way when they're on the sidewalk,

00:49:14.514 --> 00:49:16.597
that if they went to a certain place,

00:49:16.896 --> 00:49:18.697
that it literally could have cost them

00:49:18.737 --> 00:49:19.398
their life.

00:49:19.699 --> 00:49:23.621
So I understand that my parent telling me

00:49:23.961 --> 00:49:25.163
when they're born in the thirties and

00:49:25.182 --> 00:49:26.202
forties and telling me,

00:49:26.483 --> 00:49:27.583
you better go in here and you act

00:49:27.623 --> 00:49:27.784
right.

00:49:27.864 --> 00:49:28.684
Because

00:49:29.864 --> 00:49:32.726
They were in a time, even as adults,

00:49:33.106 --> 00:49:35.327
that if they went someplace,

00:49:35.666 --> 00:49:37.507
they could not show up who they

00:49:37.646 --> 00:49:42.208
authentically were because it literally

00:49:42.228 --> 00:49:43.588
could have cost them their life.

00:49:43.809 --> 00:49:45.248
Their choices were removed.

00:49:45.289 --> 00:49:46.269
They had limited choices.

00:49:46.289 --> 00:49:48.769
Whereas today, we have a lot more.

00:49:48.829 --> 00:49:50.010
So I get exactly what you're saying,

00:49:50.030 --> 00:49:50.170
Karen.

00:49:50.190 --> 00:49:50.291
Right.

00:49:50.311 --> 00:49:50.670
I agree.

00:49:50.690 --> 00:49:54.751
I mean, I agree.

00:49:55.871 --> 00:49:58.193
But you just said something, Kat.

00:49:59.349 --> 00:50:03.371
today those choices and the availability

00:50:03.391 --> 00:50:05.492
of those choices look different, right?

00:50:06.612 --> 00:50:08.855
So if I'm still showing up the way

00:50:08.914 --> 00:50:12.516
that that parent showed up under a

00:50:12.577 --> 00:50:14.557
different set of circumstances,

00:50:15.338 --> 00:50:19.561
am I showing up properly in current day?

00:50:20.240 --> 00:50:26.065
Or am I mirroring that same response

00:50:27.838 --> 00:50:29.400
in today's time.

00:50:29.880 --> 00:50:31.382
I'm not saying it's wrong,

00:50:32.143 --> 00:50:35.326
but those are the kinds of discussions

00:50:35.365 --> 00:50:38.469
that, especially as adults, as parents,

00:50:38.489 --> 00:50:40.190
we've got to be willing to have.

00:50:42.771 --> 00:50:46.896
Why do I make the choices that I

00:50:46.916 --> 00:50:47.115
make?

00:50:47.135 --> 00:50:50.579
What's really at the moment?

00:50:52.639 --> 00:50:55.000
the driver in that choice.

00:50:55.039 --> 00:50:57.860
And that's not always an easy thing to

00:50:57.900 --> 00:50:59.822
face, especially as you alluded to,

00:50:59.842 --> 00:51:00.362
I mean,

00:51:01.322 --> 00:51:02.782
you're talking about things that in many

00:51:02.802 --> 00:51:05.304
cases that could have cost somebody their

00:51:05.344 --> 00:51:06.945
life, right?

00:51:07.025 --> 00:51:09.706
And so, you know,

00:51:10.246 --> 00:51:12.487
how do you transition from that way of

00:51:12.547 --> 00:51:15.788
thinking to one where you no longer have

00:51:15.827 --> 00:51:17.568
to think that way, right?

00:51:17.608 --> 00:51:19.849
I mean, that's like,

00:51:20.898 --> 00:51:22.840
You know, when I'm driving,

00:51:23.219 --> 00:51:27.362
when I'm driving down one, twenty four.

00:51:27.483 --> 00:51:28.463
I'm never thinking.

00:51:29.903 --> 00:51:31.664
Oh, man, if the police pulled me over,

00:51:32.125 --> 00:51:34.606
there's a good possibility that I may just

00:51:34.626 --> 00:51:35.166
get shot.

00:51:35.246 --> 00:51:36.307
Now, I'm not saying it couldn't happen,

00:51:37.547 --> 00:51:41.030
but I'm not operating with that same.

00:51:41.311 --> 00:51:41.550
Now,

00:51:41.731 --> 00:51:43.612
there's certain places I'm driving where

00:51:43.692 --> 00:51:43.851
that.

00:51:45.193 --> 00:51:48.755
But the point is that, you know,

00:51:49.650 --> 00:51:51.291
when you're facing or when you, you know,

00:51:51.331 --> 00:51:54.072
based on the circumstances that have been

00:51:54.592 --> 00:51:55.592
foundational for you,

00:51:55.612 --> 00:51:58.072
the way that you're going to,

00:51:58.512 --> 00:52:01.233
how do you change from that, right?

00:52:01.333 --> 00:52:04.333
And then how do you teach the person

00:52:04.393 --> 00:52:06.793
coming after you who doesn't have that

00:52:06.954 --> 00:52:11.614
same reality about how they're supposed to

00:52:11.655 --> 00:52:12.695
respond?

00:52:12.755 --> 00:52:16.356
So intelligence ends up looking very

00:52:16.396 --> 00:52:16.856
different

00:52:17.458 --> 00:52:22.420
yes it does yeah more our parents then

00:52:22.481 --> 00:52:24.963
it looks for us then it looks for

00:52:25.123 --> 00:52:27.344
our children then it'll look for their

00:52:27.364 --> 00:52:31.726
children leadership roles because john you

00:52:31.766 --> 00:52:33.688
know how we met you know through the

00:52:33.708 --> 00:52:35.809
volunteerism you know that was a part of

00:52:35.869 --> 00:52:39.793
my therapy to help me you know evolve

00:52:39.873 --> 00:52:41.773
and transition and

00:52:43.146 --> 00:52:45.987
my heart interactions wasn't pleasant and

00:52:46.027 --> 00:52:48.887
it was because of my own trauma and

00:52:48.927 --> 00:52:54.849
how i perceived men yes so we went

00:52:54.869 --> 00:52:57.510
through that and then now we like sister

00:52:57.530 --> 00:53:01.132
brother you know absolutely and so i get

00:53:01.192 --> 00:53:02.452
like it's clicking for me

00:53:03.378 --> 00:53:05.519
And I thank you for taking on this

00:53:05.559 --> 00:53:07.701
because so many of us need to actually

00:53:07.740 --> 00:53:10.443
go in and some of us can't afford

00:53:10.463 --> 00:53:12.784
therapy, but this is actually what it is.

00:53:12.824 --> 00:53:14.905
You're able to sit back and say,

00:53:15.465 --> 00:53:19.668
why am I angry with this person?

00:53:20.128 --> 00:53:22.048
What experiences, exposures,

00:53:22.128 --> 00:53:25.550
environment shapes the way that I think

00:53:25.650 --> 00:53:27.931
and perceive things because that's how you

00:53:27.992 --> 00:53:29.193
navigate this world.

00:53:29.413 --> 00:53:30.554
If you've been robbed,

00:53:31.487 --> 00:53:33.929
with somebody that was a polka dot strike

00:53:34.289 --> 00:53:36.751
zebra slant elephant whatever you're going

00:53:36.771 --> 00:53:39.052
to be paranoid with strikes polka dot

00:53:39.251 --> 00:53:42.233
zebra you know and then every time that

00:53:42.273 --> 00:53:43.693
comes around you're going to react that

00:53:43.753 --> 00:53:48.315
way and if you're not aware conscious of

00:53:48.396 --> 00:53:51.097
it and take an accountability to say do

00:53:51.197 --> 00:53:52.838
i really want to change is this how

00:53:52.898 --> 00:53:54.579
i want to show up to the rest

00:53:54.599 --> 00:53:56.400
of the world and i know so many

00:53:56.420 --> 00:53:57.320
people who grew up

00:53:59.335 --> 00:54:02.978
That was just, we say hard.

00:54:02.998 --> 00:54:03.637
You tough.

00:54:04.478 --> 00:54:05.820
Something made you that way.

00:54:06.420 --> 00:54:07.161
You understand?

00:54:07.181 --> 00:54:09.923
And now you abrasive, you rigid.

00:54:10.224 --> 00:54:12.585
Every time somebody says something to you,

00:54:12.945 --> 00:54:13.967
you know what I'm saying?

00:54:13.987 --> 00:54:14.706
Ready to fight.

00:54:15.148 --> 00:54:15.608
Yeah.

00:54:15.628 --> 00:54:17.489
Like if you from a certain demographic,

00:54:17.510 --> 00:54:18.751
people automatically want it.

00:54:18.771 --> 00:54:19.331
I'm like, yeah,

00:54:19.351 --> 00:54:20.952
just because I'm from Detroit,

00:54:21.393 --> 00:54:22.813
we not like that.

00:54:23.014 --> 00:54:25.356
I'm not going to walk into the narrative

00:54:25.376 --> 00:54:27.077
that you creating for me that you

00:54:28.748 --> 00:54:30.349
work so hard to get out of.

00:54:30.409 --> 00:54:31.530
You're not about to put me back in

00:54:31.550 --> 00:54:32.150
that box.

00:54:32.610 --> 00:54:34.552
You have to be intentional.

00:54:35.391 --> 00:54:38.452
But this program that you created,

00:54:39.054 --> 00:54:40.253
I pray for you, brother,

00:54:40.273 --> 00:54:42.235
that it gets into the hands of

00:54:43.010 --> 00:54:45.931
government and school systems and

00:54:46.030 --> 00:54:47.411
everywhere that it needs to be at.

00:54:47.431 --> 00:54:48.512
Because if we don't,

00:54:49.572 --> 00:54:50.753
it needs to start everywhere.

00:54:50.793 --> 00:54:51.853
Like start now.

00:54:52.092 --> 00:54:53.474
Meet people where you are right now.

00:54:53.514 --> 00:54:55.554
Of course, come in with these young folks.

00:54:55.594 --> 00:54:57.235
But even in government,

00:54:57.655 --> 00:54:59.655
people get elected and reelected and

00:54:59.675 --> 00:55:00.536
change hands.

00:55:00.556 --> 00:55:02.056
People lose jobs, get jobs.

00:55:02.077 --> 00:55:04.538
You got all these different personalities.

00:55:05.623 --> 00:55:07.403
And people had these pent up issues and

00:55:07.483 --> 00:55:08.724
all the stuff that people need to learn

00:55:08.744 --> 00:55:10.885
how to work together so you can move

00:55:10.905 --> 00:55:11.664
forward with the cause.

00:55:11.744 --> 00:55:14.565
In the military, we got an objective.

00:55:14.925 --> 00:55:16.826
I don't care how you like each other.

00:55:16.925 --> 00:55:17.806
We got an objective.

00:55:17.887 --> 00:55:19.067
We got to work together to get it

00:55:19.086 --> 00:55:19.447
done.

00:55:19.847 --> 00:55:21.608
But that doesn't necessarily mean we have

00:55:21.628 --> 00:55:22.887
the proper tools.

00:55:24.188 --> 00:55:26.028
We're just doing it because we got to

00:55:26.148 --> 00:55:26.389
go.

00:55:26.429 --> 00:55:27.210
We got to just move.

00:55:27.230 --> 00:55:28.130
You got to get past it.

00:55:28.150 --> 00:55:29.050
You got to get through it.

00:55:29.349 --> 00:55:30.971
But that doesn't mean you actually

00:55:31.030 --> 00:55:31.690
addressed

00:55:32.556 --> 00:55:34.398
the root cause of some of your hangups

00:55:34.438 --> 00:55:35.018
and pinups.

00:55:35.097 --> 00:55:35.938
You know what I'm saying?

00:55:36.599 --> 00:55:37.958
So I thank you for the work that

00:55:37.978 --> 00:55:40.280
you're doing because I see it right now,

00:55:40.300 --> 00:55:41.179
like, man,

00:55:41.340 --> 00:55:43.121
it's like the light bulbs are going off

00:55:43.141 --> 00:55:44.922
for me.

00:55:45.382 --> 00:55:48.342
And I see it now being in a

00:55:48.362 --> 00:55:49.224
lot of government.

00:55:50.704 --> 00:55:51.824
Can I just mention something?

00:55:51.844 --> 00:55:54.706
I mean, I think one of the things,

00:55:54.985 --> 00:55:55.326
you know,

00:55:59.226 --> 00:56:00.346
That I always say, you know,

00:56:00.965 --> 00:56:04.748
and even in talking with individuals,

00:56:06.168 --> 00:56:07.809
what about situations where the other

00:56:07.849 --> 00:56:09.628
person really is wrong?

00:56:11.610 --> 00:56:17.192
I mean, you know, because sometimes,

00:56:17.411 --> 00:56:18.411
oftentimes they are.

00:56:20.023 --> 00:56:21.563
Sometimes somebody,

00:56:22.264 --> 00:56:25.746
we were talking earlier about the young

00:56:25.786 --> 00:56:27.889
person that was going through the

00:56:27.909 --> 00:56:28.369
bullying,

00:56:28.528 --> 00:56:32.492
but we can graduate that to adults that

00:56:33.472 --> 00:56:37.014
have dealt with all manner of issues.

00:56:39.197 --> 00:56:42.759
Sometimes somebody did disrespect you.

00:56:42.798 --> 00:56:46.722
Sometimes someone did violate you.

00:56:46.762 --> 00:56:47.483
Sometimes

00:56:48.655 --> 00:56:50.275
a boundary was crossed.

00:56:51.576 --> 00:56:56.277
Awareness does not require pretending

00:56:56.496 --> 00:56:57.356
otherwise, right?

00:56:58.677 --> 00:57:01.117
And empathy doesn't mean abandoning

00:57:01.277 --> 00:57:02.059
accountability.

00:57:02.798 --> 00:57:05.199
So one of the principles I think is

00:57:05.219 --> 00:57:07.460
important is that accountability and

00:57:07.519 --> 00:57:11.021
understanding are not opposites.

00:57:11.121 --> 00:57:13.300
I can try to understand what influenced

00:57:13.961 --> 00:57:14.802
someone's behavior,

00:57:15.699 --> 00:57:17.222
and still hold them accountable for that

00:57:17.242 --> 00:57:17.661
behavior.

00:57:17.762 --> 00:57:19.543
Absolutely, absolutely.

00:57:19.744 --> 00:57:21.967
I can recognize that somebody else's

00:57:22.067 --> 00:57:25.751
choices or someone else's choice was wrong

00:57:26.311 --> 00:57:29.355
without allowing their poor choice to

00:57:29.476 --> 00:57:31.137
automatically determine mine.

00:57:32.338 --> 00:57:33.978
The question still becomes,

00:57:34.059 --> 00:57:38.260
and this is kind of Institute stuff,

00:57:38.800 --> 00:57:42.101
what choice best serves what needs to

00:57:42.161 --> 00:57:43.563
happen next?

00:57:44.362 --> 00:57:47.523
And sometimes that means reconciliation.

00:57:47.543 --> 00:57:50.525
Sometimes it means a different

00:57:50.664 --> 00:57:51.385
conversation.

00:57:51.865 --> 00:57:53.505
Sometimes it means a boundary.

00:57:54.547 --> 00:57:57.327
Sometimes it means consequences.

00:57:57.708 --> 00:58:00.509
Sometimes it means distance, right?

00:58:00.922 --> 00:58:01.742
Right?

00:58:01.762 --> 00:58:03.523
Conflict resolution doesn't always mean

00:58:03.563 --> 00:58:06.362
everybody walks away agreeing or

00:58:06.382 --> 00:58:07.063
reconciled.

00:58:07.422 --> 00:58:07.603
Right?

00:58:07.782 --> 00:58:09.563
That's another one of those misnomers.

00:58:09.844 --> 00:58:10.023
Right?

00:58:10.063 --> 00:58:13.485
Conflict resolution may be that we're just

00:58:13.505 --> 00:58:14.925
going to leave each other alone.

00:58:14.945 --> 00:58:16.465
No, no, no.

00:58:16.485 --> 00:58:18.786
We agree to disagree.

00:58:20.346 --> 00:58:21.646
Not even agree to disagree.

00:58:21.666 --> 00:58:26.206
The bottom line is I've got to guard

00:58:26.266 --> 00:58:29.807
myself for what I do next.

00:58:31.657 --> 00:58:36.123
And so in acknowledging what you did,

00:58:37.344 --> 00:58:38.885
one of the things that I have to

00:58:39.286 --> 00:58:44.070
decide is what happens between you and I.

00:58:45.411 --> 00:58:47.494
And that easily is...

00:58:49.835 --> 00:58:50.896
I just can't be around you.

00:58:51.615 --> 00:58:52.356
Absolutely.

00:58:52.735 --> 00:58:53.817
Absolutely.

00:58:54.777 --> 00:58:56.478
But wait, what if you can't get away?

00:58:56.518 --> 00:58:58.179
What if it's your job, your boss,

00:58:58.239 --> 00:58:58.719
and all that?

00:58:59.039 --> 00:58:59.619
I know we can,

00:58:59.639 --> 00:59:00.760
this is probably going to be part two.

00:59:00.780 --> 00:59:03.021
How do you handle that?

00:59:03.041 --> 00:59:04.202
You can always get away.

00:59:04.222 --> 00:59:05.362
I love the idea of part two,

00:59:05.382 --> 00:59:07.643
but listen, you can always get away.

00:59:11.652 --> 00:59:12.072
Now, now, you know,

00:59:12.092 --> 00:59:14.094
that job ain't the only job I was,

00:59:14.255 --> 00:59:15.655
I was talking to this young lady and

00:59:15.717 --> 00:59:16.277
we were, you know,

00:59:16.297 --> 00:59:17.737
she was talking about the five years that

00:59:17.777 --> 00:59:18.498
she has left.

00:59:19.018 --> 00:59:20.219
Let's be real.

00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:20.701
You know,

00:59:20.721 --> 00:59:22.061
a lot of people can't walk off their

00:59:22.081 --> 00:59:22.461
jobs.

00:59:22.481 --> 00:59:25.204
Y'all let's be real now.

00:59:25.244 --> 00:59:26.405
You don't have to walk away.

00:59:26.425 --> 00:59:29.007
You can be strategic in how you lead.

00:59:29.509 --> 00:59:35.393
And, and remember every choice matters.

00:59:36.686 --> 00:59:36.947
Right?

00:59:37.226 --> 00:59:38.186
Every moment matters,

00:59:38.347 --> 00:59:39.527
every choice resonates.

00:59:40.268 --> 00:59:46.530
So the choice that I'm making is not

00:59:46.630 --> 00:59:50.590
without the understanding that the next

00:59:50.670 --> 00:59:52.492
five years in this role,

00:59:53.992 --> 00:59:55.833
I'm gonna have to really suck salt through

00:59:55.873 --> 01:00:00.074
my teeth a whole lot because of whatever

01:00:00.114 --> 01:00:00.954
the variables are.

01:00:00.974 --> 01:00:01.534
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:00:03.237 --> 01:00:05.918
So one choice could be that I leave,

01:00:05.958 --> 01:00:08.961
but the reality is, and it's a choice,

01:00:09.581 --> 01:00:13.764
but the reality is I cannot follow that

01:00:13.824 --> 01:00:14.344
choice.

01:00:15.947 --> 01:00:18.427
The choice that I have to intentionally

01:00:18.447 --> 01:00:21.090
make is that I'm staying,

01:00:22.992 --> 01:00:25.293
but I'm staying on purpose.

01:00:25.954 --> 01:00:28.615
I'm staying- To reach this goal.

01:00:29.516 --> 01:00:30.396
I'm staying-

01:00:31.420 --> 01:00:34.041
with the understanding the goal of what's

01:00:35.061 --> 01:00:35.862
at the end of this.

01:00:35.902 --> 01:00:36.541
And guess what?

01:00:37.021 --> 01:00:38.163
When that five year,

01:00:38.202 --> 01:00:41.103
whatever that period is, that's up,

01:00:41.164 --> 01:00:41.824
I'm out the door.

01:00:42.164 --> 01:00:43.043
Now,

01:00:43.704 --> 01:00:46.025
if it's a situation like Karen was

01:00:46.045 --> 01:00:49.126
alluding to where it's just about, well,

01:00:49.206 --> 01:00:50.186
I've just gotta be more in,

01:00:50.547 --> 01:00:51.606
because you have some people, right?

01:00:51.666 --> 01:00:53.487
That when it comes to jobs,

01:00:53.507 --> 01:00:54.449
they complain about the job,

01:00:54.469 --> 01:00:55.688
but they don't really wanna put the

01:00:55.728 --> 01:00:57.989
intentional effort into finding a new job.

01:00:58.936 --> 01:01:01.378
It's almost like the dog on the nail.

01:01:01.659 --> 01:01:03.519
The dog's laying on the nail and howling

01:01:03.539 --> 01:01:04.659
and making all this noise,

01:01:05.440 --> 01:01:07.041
but the dog just refuses to get up

01:01:07.101 --> 01:01:08.762
off the nail and look for another spot

01:01:08.782 --> 01:01:09.402
to lay down.

01:01:09.862 --> 01:01:13.065
You have to be intentional when it comes

01:01:13.085 --> 01:01:13.965
to things like that.

01:01:14.144 --> 01:01:16.606
If it's that I need to find another

01:01:16.646 --> 01:01:17.047
job,

01:01:18.367 --> 01:01:19.728
then I need to be intentional about

01:01:19.768 --> 01:01:20.648
finding another job.

01:01:20.989 --> 01:01:22.210
Does that mean I'm going to find another

01:01:22.250 --> 01:01:24.291
job in a month, a week, a year,

01:01:24.311 --> 01:01:25.170
and everything's going to be okay?

01:01:25.490 --> 01:01:26.512
There's no guarantee in that.

01:01:28.014 --> 01:01:31.838
But the choice that I am making is

01:01:31.878 --> 01:01:32.538
intentional.

01:01:33.798 --> 01:01:34.639
So therefore,

01:01:34.940 --> 01:01:37.420
the stuff that's happening is just life.

01:01:37.501 --> 01:01:39.262
I mean,

01:01:41.264 --> 01:01:42.465
you ever had a job where you didn't

01:01:42.505 --> 01:01:43.184
like your boss?

01:01:43.626 --> 01:01:44.106
Yes.

01:01:47.148 --> 01:01:47.547
Look at that.

01:01:47.789 --> 01:01:48.148
Look at that.

01:01:48.289 --> 01:01:48.949
Good for you.

01:01:49.108 --> 01:01:51.710
The three of us have never worked in

01:01:51.731 --> 01:01:52.492
the same place.

01:01:53.543 --> 01:01:55.505
but we all can agree that we've had

01:01:55.766 --> 01:01:57.547
to work with or for someone that we

01:01:57.567 --> 01:01:58.086
didn't like.

01:01:59.007 --> 01:02:02.451
Which tells me that the rain falls on

01:02:02.471 --> 01:02:03.550
the just and the unjust.

01:02:04.911 --> 01:02:09.815
There are no Hindus or gimme's.

01:02:10.215 --> 01:02:13.117
You don't get to skate through just

01:02:13.157 --> 01:02:13.619
because.

01:02:13.699 --> 01:02:16.541
No, we gotta deal with hard stuff,

01:02:16.820 --> 01:02:19.163
things that happen.

01:02:20.143 --> 01:02:21.605
Life can be more chaotic

01:02:22.289 --> 01:02:23.849
oftentimes, and it is orderly.

01:02:24.550 --> 01:02:30.231
And so being intentional about my choices

01:02:30.251 --> 01:02:32.592
and about my decisions.

01:02:33.393 --> 01:02:34.813
There are always choices.

01:02:34.932 --> 01:02:37.193
Some are more pleasant than others,

01:02:37.873 --> 01:02:41.293
but understanding that if I'm going to

01:02:41.393 --> 01:02:43.114
stay in this place,

01:02:43.775 --> 01:02:46.916
then I need to find some ways that

01:02:47.096 --> 01:02:49.016
I'm going to be able to cope

01:02:49.655 --> 01:02:51.737
with being here for whatever that period

01:02:51.757 --> 01:02:53.197
of time is that I need to be

01:02:53.297 --> 01:02:53.737
here.

01:02:53.916 --> 01:02:56.057
That's right.

01:02:56.538 --> 01:02:56.918
Or what?

01:02:57.038 --> 01:02:58.059
Or you bounce.

01:02:58.378 --> 01:02:59.059
There you go.

01:02:59.358 --> 01:03:00.099
Or you bounce.

01:03:00.958 --> 01:03:01.900
And I've done that.

01:03:02.179 --> 01:03:03.440
I've done that as a adult.

01:03:03.539 --> 01:03:04.360
I've done it.

01:03:04.559 --> 01:03:07.121
And didn't look back.

01:03:07.942 --> 01:03:08.501
Hit the road.

01:03:08.541 --> 01:03:09.481
And didn't look back.

01:03:09.802 --> 01:03:13.945
You know, in one instance,

01:03:14.047 --> 01:03:16.789
it was a place where I would have

01:03:16.909 --> 01:03:18.992
loved to have made my career.

01:03:19.411 --> 01:03:20.293
I really did.

01:03:21.793 --> 01:03:27.019
But the working conditions under this boss

01:03:27.340 --> 01:03:29.742
became such that I was getting up in

01:03:29.762 --> 01:03:32.164
the morning crying before going to work.

01:03:32.184 --> 01:03:32.664
Right.

01:03:32.826 --> 01:03:33.065
Right.

01:03:35.150 --> 01:03:36.690
And I was like, I can't.

01:03:39.331 --> 01:03:39.731
I can't.

01:03:39.911 --> 01:03:40.871
I can't do this.

01:03:41.311 --> 01:03:43.393
Because I'm going to end up stroking out.

01:03:44.492 --> 01:03:46.494
I had high blood pressure around that

01:03:46.534 --> 01:03:47.173
time, too.

01:03:47.193 --> 01:03:49.954
I was like, I can't do this.

01:03:50.675 --> 01:03:51.974
And, you know,

01:03:53.735 --> 01:03:55.996
I left that position without having

01:03:56.056 --> 01:04:00.036
another position because my mental health

01:04:00.117 --> 01:04:01.637
and my physical health

01:04:02.608 --> 01:04:04.690
were important,

01:04:04.851 --> 01:04:07.253
were so important that I really felt like

01:04:07.594 --> 01:04:09.056
if I had stayed,

01:04:09.297 --> 01:04:11.518
that I would have had a physical decline.

01:04:12.501 --> 01:04:14.402
I'm so glad you made that choice to

01:04:14.443 --> 01:04:15.403
prioritize yourself, man.

01:04:15.525 --> 01:04:16.545
Amen, amen.

01:04:16.925 --> 01:04:18.047
And big ups to people who

01:04:18.655 --> 01:04:20.275
have to make that choice because it's not

01:04:20.295 --> 01:04:21.056
an easy choice.

01:04:21.155 --> 01:04:21.876
No, it's not.

01:04:22.637 --> 01:04:23.117
It's not.

01:04:23.496 --> 01:04:29.159
I mean, I had a kid, a house,

01:04:29.239 --> 01:04:30.400
a condo.

01:04:30.581 --> 01:04:32.561
It's good that you prioritize your mental

01:04:32.601 --> 01:04:33.862
health and you know that that's one of

01:04:33.922 --> 01:04:34.943
our number one things.

01:04:35.563 --> 01:04:36.563
And John,

01:04:36.583 --> 01:04:37.864
with all the work that you do,

01:04:38.143 --> 01:04:39.784
how do you protect your mental health?

01:04:39.804 --> 01:04:41.985
Because we want to help silence the stigma

01:04:42.206 --> 01:04:43.586
with mental health.

01:04:44.126 --> 01:04:45.728
So help share

01:04:46.748 --> 01:04:47.389
Your tools,

01:04:47.429 --> 01:04:48.690
what do you do to protect your mental

01:04:48.730 --> 01:04:52.952
health?

01:04:53.132 --> 01:04:54.432
One thing I do is I stay in

01:04:54.452 --> 01:04:54.932
my lane.

01:04:58.954 --> 01:05:00.896
I am not all things to all people.

01:05:01.836 --> 01:05:06.858
That's right.

01:05:06.878 --> 01:05:08.840
And even with the passion that I have

01:05:08.860 --> 01:05:10.161
for the work that I do,

01:05:11.802 --> 01:05:14.862
I'm very conscious of the fact that I

01:05:14.902 --> 01:05:15.483
cannot

01:05:16.501 --> 01:05:17.101
do everything.

01:05:20.324 --> 01:05:20.923
So for me,

01:05:20.963 --> 01:05:24.585
it's really learning to write a lot down

01:05:25.786 --> 01:05:27.088
so that I can get it out of

01:05:27.128 --> 01:05:32.250
my head and in a place where it

01:05:32.269 --> 01:05:33.030
can stay.

01:05:33.891 --> 01:05:35.172
And that's whether it is

01:05:36.746 --> 01:05:38.407
in relationship to the work,

01:05:38.766 --> 01:05:40.947
in relationship to marriage,

01:05:41.047 --> 01:05:43.307
in relationship to family,

01:05:43.927 --> 01:05:46.409
in relationship to my other activities,

01:05:47.228 --> 01:05:50.969
I will write a lot down just so

01:05:50.989 --> 01:05:52.530
that I can get it out of my

01:05:52.570 --> 01:05:53.090
brain.

01:05:54.849 --> 01:05:56.811
And I know I can always go back

01:05:56.851 --> 01:05:57.110
to it.

01:05:57.170 --> 01:05:59.650
I can revisit it,

01:05:59.690 --> 01:06:00.672
maybe in a better place.

01:06:00.711 --> 01:06:01.112
That's one.

01:06:01.211 --> 01:06:02.492
The second thing for me is

01:06:03.719 --> 01:06:08.360
I'm okay with silence.

01:06:09.940 --> 01:06:12.121
I'm really more of an introvert than an

01:06:12.202 --> 01:06:14.742
extrovert by personality.

01:06:16.503 --> 01:06:18.704
I'm okay with silence.

01:06:18.864 --> 01:06:25.405
I'm okay with not saying a word and

01:06:25.425 --> 01:06:28.965
really just listening.

01:06:29.005 --> 01:06:30.925
Because again,

01:06:31.206 --> 01:06:33.166
every situation that comes up,

01:06:34.860 --> 01:06:38.802
does not require my input.

01:06:39.802 --> 01:06:40.501
Because guess what?

01:06:40.581 --> 01:06:43.543
The minute that you start talking about

01:06:43.623 --> 01:06:43.722
it,

01:06:44.782 --> 01:06:46.983
now there's some ownership that goes with

01:06:47.023 --> 01:06:47.282
that.

01:06:47.422 --> 01:06:49.824
And now I'm carrying this thing around

01:06:51.503 --> 01:06:52.563
along with everything else that I'm

01:06:52.603 --> 01:06:53.083
dealing with.

01:06:55.844 --> 01:06:57.204
And the third thing is,

01:07:00.106 --> 01:07:02.065
because within everything that I'm doing,

01:07:03.288 --> 01:07:07.590
the books, the work, I'm a student too.

01:07:08.632 --> 01:07:13.414
So I have to be willing to challenge

01:07:13.474 --> 01:07:19.518
myself on why I do what I do

01:07:20.458 --> 01:07:23.360
and be honest with myself about why I

01:07:23.400 --> 01:07:24.181
do what I do,

01:07:24.302 --> 01:07:25.603
why I did what I did.

01:07:26.838 --> 01:07:28.039
Um,

01:07:28.079 --> 01:07:31.021
because otherwise there's no sense of

01:07:31.061 --> 01:07:35.603
accountability and, um, and, uh,

01:07:35.684 --> 01:07:37.545
it reduces the likelihood that I'm

01:07:37.666 --> 01:07:40.146
actually ever going to be able to evolve

01:07:40.686 --> 01:07:41.547
from that space.

01:07:42.407 --> 01:07:43.489
I said that was the last one.

01:07:43.728 --> 01:07:44.409
Here's the other one.

01:07:45.150 --> 01:07:47.891
I'm not afraid to talk to somebody.

01:07:47.911 --> 01:07:48.492
Okay.

01:07:48.552 --> 01:07:51.014
Yeah.

01:07:53.375 --> 01:07:53.594
Love that.

01:07:53.614 --> 01:07:54.496
Love that.

01:07:54.516 --> 01:07:54.876
Love that.

01:07:54.956 --> 01:07:55.175
Listen, I, I,

01:07:55.820 --> 01:07:56.539
I'm good,

01:07:56.900 --> 01:07:58.501
I wanna come to your office and lay

01:07:58.541 --> 01:08:03.282
on the couch and let it out.

01:08:05.204 --> 01:08:09.365
I'm big on cognitive behavioral therapy

01:08:09.445 --> 01:08:11.947
and psychotherapy when it's needed.

01:08:12.106 --> 01:08:12.467
I mean,

01:08:13.947 --> 01:08:17.708
I think that too many of us don't

01:08:18.390 --> 01:08:20.791
take it serious, right?

01:08:21.831 --> 01:08:23.851
How we've been shaped

01:08:24.980 --> 01:08:29.024
and how trauma has affected us,

01:08:29.744 --> 01:08:33.327
what it's created in us, you know,

01:08:34.969 --> 01:08:40.372
and we bring that unresolved stuff in our

01:08:40.432 --> 01:08:42.434
lives into the workplace,

01:08:43.354 --> 01:08:46.936
into relationships, into parenting, yep,

01:08:47.238 --> 01:08:50.060
into our quote-unquote community

01:08:50.119 --> 01:08:51.661
activities and involvements.

01:08:53.694 --> 01:08:56.695
And we're not showing up the best that

01:08:56.716 --> 01:08:57.136
we can.

01:08:57.155 --> 01:08:59.037
So for me,

01:08:59.056 --> 01:09:02.118
it's generally going to fall into one of

01:09:02.158 --> 01:09:03.338
those categories.

01:09:03.418 --> 01:09:08.081
But my piece is, my mental piece,

01:09:08.161 --> 01:09:09.822
my mental health is,

01:09:10.862 --> 01:09:12.523
I'm not trading it for anything.

01:09:13.684 --> 01:09:15.083
I always say, if you cough to me,

01:09:15.123 --> 01:09:19.645
my piece, you too expensive.

01:09:19.685 --> 01:09:20.226
T-shirt.

01:09:23.783 --> 01:09:28.923
yes yes we know kim yeah like absolutely

01:09:29.284 --> 01:09:35.105
john harris aka brother baruti reached at

01:09:35.265 --> 01:09:41.407
moments to master.com look for his three

01:09:41.487 --> 01:09:44.327
books give us the names again mastering

01:09:44.367 --> 01:09:46.427
the abcs of comic book resolution and the

01:09:46.467 --> 01:09:47.368
two subtitles

01:09:47.784 --> 01:09:48.024
Yep,

01:09:48.104 --> 01:09:51.206
Mastering the ABCs of Conflict Resolution,

01:09:51.265 --> 01:09:54.567
Empowering Today's Youth, Parents,

01:09:54.606 --> 01:09:55.627
and Community Leaders,

01:09:56.408 --> 01:09:59.588
Mastering the ABCs of Conflict Resolution,

01:10:00.248 --> 01:10:04.270
A Guide for Adults in Work, Life,

01:10:04.529 --> 01:10:06.211
and Relationships,

01:10:06.791 --> 01:10:08.270
and then Beyond Outcomes,

01:10:08.810 --> 01:10:11.051
The Hidden Meanings Behind the Choices

01:10:11.332 --> 01:10:12.192
That Define Us.

01:10:15.176 --> 01:10:15.417
Yeah.

01:10:15.457 --> 01:10:16.198
But, you know,

01:10:16.337 --> 01:10:18.921
I really welcome people to visit the site

01:10:19.280 --> 01:10:20.962
and, you know,

01:10:21.023 --> 01:10:24.546
and let's talk about it because, you know,

01:10:24.865 --> 01:10:27.868
there's work to be done and, you know,

01:10:28.269 --> 01:10:29.210
together we'll get it done.

01:10:30.070 --> 01:10:31.072
Yes.

01:10:31.252 --> 01:10:33.274
John Harris, Brother Baruti,

01:10:33.354 --> 01:10:36.076
leadership strategist, author, speaker,

01:10:36.377 --> 01:10:39.099
conflict resolution facilitator.

01:10:39.118 --> 01:10:39.338
Thank you.

01:10:42.828 --> 01:10:45.429
all of that rose up into one and

01:10:45.488 --> 01:10:49.011
so much more yeah john like we we

01:10:49.070 --> 01:10:52.952
love having this conversation that's a

01:10:52.992 --> 01:10:59.614
block this as always you know we enjoyed

01:10:59.715 --> 01:11:03.636
having you um to our listeners we want

01:11:03.676 --> 01:11:06.518
to thank you for joining us on this

01:11:06.658 --> 01:11:09.099
episode of conversations with karen and

01:11:09.198 --> 01:11:09.738
kat

01:11:11.118 --> 01:11:11.698
Yes, well,

01:11:11.738 --> 01:11:13.140
we are impacting the world one

01:11:13.180 --> 01:11:14.422
conversation at a time.

01:11:15.163 --> 01:11:15.764
Remember,

01:11:15.823 --> 01:11:17.987
you are part of the conversation.

01:11:18.787 --> 01:11:19.189
Yes.